Lauren Eilola; I'm Calling you Out

Day 2,260, 15:05 • Published in USA USA • by Israel Stevens


This article is about 12 days overdue, but it turns out I’m extremely lazy in my retirement.

Lauren Eilola - I’m calling you out.

I’m sick of protecting my party from you during every single election. I don’t know whether you are a straight multi, or an oldfag returned. But either way, I’m done. I haven’t invested all this time to watch someone Free Area my party again. Despite your best efforts, you aren’t nearly as likeable nor hardworking as he was.




”The whole is greater than the sum of its parts”.
That quote defines my case against you. I do not have 1 indisputable proof, but I do have many small pieces.

-Not once have you acted like a new player.
You never asked for help. Never asked for food or weapons or money. You never had trouble understanding a module, or how something worked. The game may have been dumbed down, but there are still a few tricky aspects. But yet, you seem to understand all of them.

-No eUS Forums account.
At least not until you got into Congress. This tells me a lot. eUS Forums has an extensive list of known multi IPs. Avoiding the forums is good policy for any multi. Or even for an old player wanting to remain anonymous.

-No IRC presence.
Sure, not proof of a multi per se, considering that even great Americans like Largo rarely IRC, but for a newer player looking to get involved in politics, IRC is critical.

-A pretty girl on the internet.
What better way to build a following? A predictable move.

-Picking AMP.
Feds require party work to get into Congress, so that isn’t ideal.
USWP and WTP are on the eUS forums, and those reasons are outline above. You couldn’t get involved with their party without joining the forums.
LAP I don’t believe existed when you joined eRep, but it doesn’t matter considering that they are also on the eUS Forums.
That leaves AMP. The party with offsite forums. The party with a partially democratic Congress process, which allows you to build your following and get into Congress even if the Party leadership isn’t on board.
Yup. Good choice.

-Continuously Running for Office.
You have zero experience. You’ve never done anything outside of shouting in the party feed. You haven’t done your time. You haven’t spent months MMing the party. You haven’t published countless party articles. You haven’t spent time every single day recruiting for this party.
You have no real right to lead us; yet you consistently run for Party President.
At first it was written off as a n00b quirk. But now I firmly believe that it is malicious.

-Never removing yourself from the ingame ballot.
It was a rookie mistake the first month. But now you’ve crossed the line. At this point, you should know better.
Last election you pulled in 40 votes. 40! That is incredibly damaging not only to our party, but to the National ATO strategy as well. Instead of sending votes against clear threats, the Department of Homeland Security had to divert votes to the AMP to ensure Napalm’s victory. You were asked repeatedly to remove yourself, and you did not.

Not in a ‘Meta-game’ MU.
-The MU you are a Captain of, doesn’t provide supplies. After all these months in the game, you still haven’t picked a legit MU. Why not join the actual US Army and get food and guns? Or another eUS Mil branch? Or USAF? Or EZC? There are tons of MUs that support, cater and recruit new players. But yet… there you sit.



None of these things make you a multi on their own. But together, they paint a much different picture.

Either way, the gig is up. You had your chance, and you came up short. Thanks for playing. GG, no re.

If you are an older player returned, then stop dicking around and actually do some work. Game is dead and people move up rapidly with minimal work. Just look at that Presidential Cabinet.

And if by some slim margin, you are in fact a legitimate account, then stop being dumb. Join a real MU. Get on IRC and get yourself a deputy position so that you can actually be Party President, and we can stop worrying about you.







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