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Chapter 1 of my article for the trollolympics

the day started like any other for Krakken the supreme sea monster and controller of all elements.

In the morning he hunted 10 doe's and prepared a feast for his cleric friends all 5 of them that was left.

Some having eDied due to total stress involved in being a cleric and part of the only MMMMU in the eWorld. ('Multi Dimensional Military Monastery Unit")

As they sat there enjoying their feast with their clercial wine and some entertainment by their court jesters DMV3 and Coltan Bonobo. Though they felt Bonobo's routine was running a bit thin.

Several clerical brothers had held him in his sleep out of the monastery window after a particularly bad sketch or impression only to be reprimanded by another cleric.

Brother Krakken after a particularly bad set banished him for a month to his mothers womb. This caused intense screaming from his 60 year old mother.

After their meal a faerie appeared before Krakken the sea monster who was born to instill fear in all humans, of the sea.

My name is Mary Chan she said and I bring to you bad news. Yes Krakken said testily he knew she was from the state of Canada a country that he has punished for several millennia by Krakken due to their annoying nasal tone of speaking. Canada was not really the coldest country in the world wink wink. Krakken would several times just lost it if a Canadian spoke to him, grab him by his nose and make it broader before telling him to speak again.

Still most of time even after his intervention they it would sound like sperm whales mating "nooogh noogh noogh"

He even went as far as creating a clear sounding Canadian so that the young Canadians forego their wretched accents.

And gave him the gift of song: he struggled a bit with the name it couldnt be anything near nasal so he used i sounds bibi it was first. he also knew they struggled getting r to sound nasal some tried errnnn but then came across as complete idiots which was a very hard thing to accomplish in Canada.

Thus Justin Bieber was born and for months Krakken rejoiced in writing non nasal hits for him like like " Baby Baby bay ohh baby baby.

Anyway Mary Chan told Krakken that there was an attempted assassination planned by L I G H T S that obnoxious of most obnoxious Canadians on Bieber.

Compared to him most canadians seemed like brain surgeons which is a tough act to follow in Canada.

So Krakken immediately departed for Canada on Air Wind.*

(fusing himself to the wind and blowing at incredible speeds to his destination.)

He took with him DIo Brando and Coltan as both their acts was getting a bit stale. You created followers from the sand and that is all he told Dio thnk broader what can one do still with sand and he would go and stand in front of a massive monument or dune or something.

He popped out a light breeze 10 meters behind L I G H T S and casually strolled with his companions to L I G H T S. Lites was trying to charm his way out of the situation but Krakken could see he was lieing and did the old body part swap gig. Giving Lights the arms of Coltan and the brains of Coltan and Coltan Lights brains. Basically the mess stood there in frnt of him. The truth said Krakken Dio started giggling and said Krakken this mofa still want to pretend that he dont knwo they want to use Selena Gomez to poisin Justin and then bring his namesake to the fore.

Oh said Krakken and let some winds sweep in the rest of LIGHTS gang as well as Selena Gomez.

B* please Krakken said when Selena tried to say something and took the face of a bag lady called Hilda and gave her the voice of a donkey. After swapping in all of Selena 's thought into her new brain and then taking Selena's pure thinking brain and putting it into Hilda's body. Oh the torture would be exquisite. Hilda was all of a sudden a beautiful young singer desired by the world bu with the crafty brain of a bag lady.

Years after young followers would be swayed by her never changing appearance and woke up fleeced and naked with a strange dream of having done the nasty to Selena Gomez.

Meanwhile krakken turned to L I G H T S a wind grabbed his arm whilst an opposite blowing wind pulled the part below his wrist . His hands teared off in a quick snap and then more parts got tore away by different winds . L I G H T S could see all this happening to him. His feelings an d life would only wither away months later.

3:00 AM the next night all Canadians stand up and sleep dance and sing out aloud



In 10 years Krakken will start bringing up the temperature again as they lose their annoying accents.

IN TODAY 'S LATER chapter: Read how Krakken fixes the annoying habit of Canadians habit of saying excuse me all of the time.