Four Years ago they made me King
Day 2,520, 02:17
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Mr Woldy
Hello all,
Over the past few weeks I have been very quiet, this is because I have moved up north and evil plus net aren't giving me Internet until a week on Wednesday.
As such I shall have to keep this article short.
Four years ago today a series of referenda were held to decide on a new king, and I was selected. Since then I have tried to be as charitable and when possible, as entertaining as I can be. I am thankful to everyone who has helped out along the way and offered me cash with which to run my schemes and to everyone who showed support during times when haters got frisky with themselves and took it out on me.
To mark the event, which I was only aware of because someone pointed it out, I am holding a joke competition.
The person to comment with the best King related joke will win TEN GOLD.
The second best will win FIVE GOLD.
The rest win NOTHING.
Please make them as dirty as possible.
Thanks for reading,
Woldy
Young achivers:
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Why do they call it the dark ages... Cos there was so many Knights
hahahHahHah
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In a few years there will be only five kings in the world. Woldy and the four kings in a pack of cards.
you PTO'd a major party and killed UK.. well done have a biscuit
that was aimed at woldy not you andreas
lolz good one, the thought anyone would question King Woldy's credibility, or even consider seriously your eOpinion on anything they didn't want destroying or stealing.
Little Bobby was sitting in class when the teacher asked him “Can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and joy into people’s lives?” To which little Bobby replied “Smo-king, Drin-king and Fuc-king”.
Once upon a time, and far, far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon slayer knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
Horatio the Physician, exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1, 000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1, 000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
lol 🙂
FIRST
Thx W!.
😉
>moved up north
One of us! \o/
If you're not as far north as Leeds you're not in the north, just so you know. 😉
Middlesbrough is the boundary between the North and Southern Pansies
I was trying not to sound like too much of a dick. 😉 Newcastle here. I agree.
Durham o7
Durham is the spot \o/
fuck off .....sheffield is the capital of the world hehe
Lived in Chester-le-Street just a couple months ago. Back in Newcastle now though.
>Moved up north
How north we talking. England is not north.
Bogland doesn't count
Lancashire bitches
I hear that the King of Spain recently abdicated...
Another Juan bites the dust.
SECOND
W00t o7
Ministry of Entertainment are holding a meme competition with a prize pool of 2000gbp 🙂
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-moent-the-great-october-meme-competition-2456582/1/20
No.
King Arthur knew that Guinevere was cheating on him, but he didn't know who with. Intending to find out, he had her fit with a special chastity belt, lined on either side by razor blades.
Several days later, Arthur had all his knights line up and drop trousers so he could inspect any damage to their members. He was shocked to find that all the knights except Lancelot were missing part or all of their equipment.
Embracing Lancelot, Arthur said, "Thank you, you have no idea what your loyalty means to me."
"It meanf a wot to me altho," replied the tongueless knight.
In 1913 Emily Davison threw herself in front of the King's horse during the Derby. History speaks volumes about her actions and her subsequent position as a martyr for the suffragette movement.
However, it doesn't say a word about her husband, who didn't get any dinner that night.
When is a 'piece of wood' like a King?
Answer: When it's a ruler!
Joffrey hahahaha
Mother superior called all the Novices together and told them that they had one final test to undergo before they could become nuns,
"We are off to see the Bishop and there you'll confess to any sexual acts and wash them away".
When they arrive at the cathedral they are taken to the Bishop, he is sitting behind a large tin bath full of water,
"Tell me of your sexual misdemeanours and then wash the offending part of your person in the holy water".
The first Novice stands up and admits to touching a boys penis when she was younger,
"You brazen hussey!" Screams the Bishop, "Wash that hand of Satan in the holy water and repent!".
The young novice does this and then sits back down, all of a sudden another Novice comes running fron the back of the Cathedral,
"What is the meaning of this!" Yells the Bishop,
"We'll your Holiness" replies Sister Margeret, "You see if I've got to gargle with that there water I'm doing it before Sister Bernadet puts here fecking arse in it!".
Horice 😉
Total kings?
They're fecKING nuns, why you no read properly!
Horice 😒
What did Anne Boleyn's mother say when her daughter said that she had fallen in love with Henry VIII?
Answer: Don't get too serious... that man's not worth losing your head over!
I have to win with this one 😃
While prince Woldy Junior of was relentlessly shagging his sister Loraine, he uttere😛
"Oh my slutty little princess, you have better tits then our mother, Lady of Filth."
She grasped and replie😛 "I know, that's what daddy Woldy I, told me as well."
Wow Big Ant has put in a real challenger for best joke - it's gonna take some beating, better give him the prize now.
Here's my offering - King BigAnt
Sometimes you just go too far, even if it is a joke.
yes, maybe you're right 🙁
In draughts, a man on top of another man makes a king. In real life it makes a queen.
[removed]
What do you call an ill King covered in mud?
A dirty wan King.
What part of the North? Come back to Manchester Woldy, we can go to the pub again
add me as friend please
Thx W!.
😉