Join the new world

Please remember this paper is satirical, which means I'm better than you

Also this article was a lot more funny in my head than in real life but whatever


^Click for mandatory listening 😁

And Goodbye Blue Monday is back~

So, let me start by saying I'm outraged. I'm enraged. I'm normal raged. What has this country come to electing someone named Evry and not making more puns about it.

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Outrage of the Day

On a serious note, recently Evry was elected President of the eUnited States, and since (s)he was elected I have heard rumor left and right of his plans of backstabbing our allies and teaming up with Pfeiffer to do something assumedly depraved. Well, we here at Goodbye Blue Monday decided to do some investigative journalism! (Cue Dramatic Music).

Now while trying to uncover all of Evry's outrageous outrages we have seen some opposition. Some people like PiginZen (clearly people with no moral centers) think that everyone freaking out over every outrage is a bit...ridiculous.

PiZ being un-patriotic in public

WELL, I say NAY, the latest outrage he is bemoaning is advertisement for a certain branch in the DoD, Well, I've uncovered something /much/ bigger

I've uncovered Evry's terrible past!

Evry and his elitist friends have done evrything in their power to keep this information from you, to keep it hidden forever, finally however I am now able to leak to you Evry's past before his ascent to trrbl elitism.

As a young man running for Congress, Evry was elected by making some very questionable connections, for example:

LOOK FAMILIAR?

Clearly Evry hates freedom


Here is a damning photo (a very shiny moving one at that) of Evry at his earliest, affiliations with the Communist Party, a party that may or may not actually exist in the eUS 😁. Still, does this not cause you to question Evry's ability to lead the eUS? Maybe leading us into being Soviet eRussia.

Still, even more! Evry may appear to be a model citizen, but look at this!

EVRYone was doing it

And if this isn't enough, I heard that Evry hates apple pie, isn't that proof enough that he isn't right for this country? This is Amurrica, well eAmurrica. Actually eUnited States of America. Or United States of eAmerica? I'm not sure. It's sure as hell not eVRYca.

So be outraged,
be VERY outraged!

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I am clearly a potential threat to the eUnited States

Also, my more observant friends may have realized I'm back in the eUS, (nothing against eSwitzerland, and no I'm not giving up Owner on your channel :3) anyway, I spontaneously felt like coming back yesterday. I applied and filled out the IES form and surprisingly quickly someone was helping me out. Of course to make sure I wasn't a threat I had to spell out my plans in the eUS, please, I have no plans >.> and three people to vouch for me. This took waay too long but whatever.

Clearly the eUS made a trrble mistake by letting me back :3

MUAHAHAHAHAHA


No one takes you seriously otherwise

Also, I'm in the Feds again as I was because you know what, Aaron Burr sucks

Lastly I'm currently doing nothing and wouldn't mind something to do, anyone have anything to do just hit me up 😛

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You're Moment of Zen:

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That's all,
Stay Sexy