Doctoring the election

Day 1,822, 13:44 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by Dr. Pierre Chang

Ladies and Gentleman, I like to think of myself as an honourable man. A brilliant doctor, a noted conversationalist, I once had a minor part in a hit TV show. I've lived a clean and honest life.

So imagine to my horror when I was sequestered for votes on this nation's chat room! From all directions, people berated me with requests to support them, like a Ballymun granny selling strawberies on Moore Street they refused to leave me until they had their way. I was sickened, "Damn this horrid country" I exclaimed in despair. Physically ill with rage at the treachery of all this, I took to my den and reflected on all this madness.

I couldn't just sit by and let this be. I knew deep, deep inside of me I had to try and fix this country once and for all, to scourge this fair isle of the likes who I encountered in that chat room.

So this is my appeal to you ladies and gentleman. Contact your congressmen. Write to them, speak to them, make our voice known! We will not sit by and watch our country be butchered, slaughtered and raped like a common whore. We must refuse to sit by and watch the wealthy opportunists entice us for our votes. The true currency of democracy is values and action.

I hope my message reaches you my fellow citizens. For me, I'm off to work figuring out what this hatch thing is. Fascinating stuff!