Derphoof is Best Candidate
Derphoof
Some mood music for all mah readers
Dear plebs…
It appears that I will be on the ballot during the upcoming election. As such, I feel obliged to create an article detailing my glorious candidacy. So without further ado, I will present it to you.
Some say that the American political sphere is very elitist. However, you have not witnessed true elitism…. until now. I will be the most elitist president that you could possibly imagine. I will rule with an iron fist over you, and you will have no influence on my decisions. I will attempt to push absolutely everything through congress with minimal debate. My elitist cabal (The Broforce) and I will utterly discard the notion of a cabinet as well as the will of the public as we bring glory to our nation.
As such, for your entertainment, I will engage in great conquest to demolish Poland. How? I plan on winning the Powerball Jackpot. The current estimated jackpot is $169 mil, which I’m sure will be more than enough to push back Poland and anyone else whom I see fit to destroy.
Some of you may say, “Derp, that doesn’t seem like a very good plan…. You have a better chance of getting hit by a meteor than winning the jackpot.” To them, I have a special message which can be found in this link.
OUR GLORIOUS ARMIES SHALL MARCH ACROSS THE LAND, INDISCRIMINATELY SLAYING ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE THE AMERICAN EMPIRE.
THEY SHALL CRY OUT FOR MERCY, ONLY TO RECEIVE A GREATER DEATH.
I WILL BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES AND SACRIFICE THEM TO ALMIGHTY DIO.
Next, I plan on taxing the rich and giving to the poor. I will issue a 20% work tax on Day 1 in order to gain as much money as possible for our Combat Orders. In effect, I will be taking from all of the commune owners and giving that money to the slaves with outrageously high CO’s, in exchange for their obedience to my will.
This will cause everyone to want to fight for the USA, simply because we pay ridiculous sums for damage.
“Derp, won’t the commune managers just up and leave for a tax haven?”
Once I win the lottery, it won’t matter. Now shut up.
I will troll TWO to the maximum extent my body can handle. This will involve both in-game references and RL references as I wish for all TWOfags to be colon crucified by my articles. They will be crushed under my heel and be forced to perform deadly/inane tasks for our mirth.
Nothing is sacred.
Nobody is safe.
The butthurt will flow.
Their ravaged rectums will fuel our armies.
To Ajay and the AFA:
I will ascend my throne to shouts of joy! A blare of trumpets to usher in my reign!
DIO will be worshipped every hour, on the hour, with sand given to every American for that purpose. Through his divine intervention, we shall know true victory.
Elect me, and all nations will bow to our immense and fearsome power. Yurop will be drenched with the blood of our enemies, as we free our allies and show them that whoever has the most money has the most power.
Elect Derphoof for Glory
Elect Derphoof for Power
Elect Derphoof to drink the tears of booty barraged TWOfags.
Comments
FRIENDSHIP IS VICTORY
Holy balls that was awesome. I just jizzed myself it was so awesome.
reported for racism.
reported for faggotism
son, tell your mom I will pay alimony next week.
You married my mom? You poor poor sonuvabietch, my condolences
I had coitus with her once, 9 months before you were born. Didnt marry her. I was drunk, and you know... youth.
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁^
You haven't even made it yet and the butthurt is already aflow!! 🙂
Voted, and subbed; HARD!
Um, that cabinet is pure quality!
I kinda like it..
FRIENDSHIP IS VICTORY
Make our enemies cry for mercy. And deny their pleas.
Derpy for Mare!
..wait
y u no run for realz?
Good luck from the eNetherlands!
V+S btw 😉
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/van-spijck-terug-aan-het-roer-iii-van-spijck-back-at-the-helm-iii-2314801/1/20
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/van-spijck-terug-aan-het-roer-ii-van-spijck-back-at-the-helm-ii-2314255/1/20
van Spijck 4 Emperor of eNL!
Does it ever get boring being CP, bro?
not as long you still have new plans and ideas 🙂
with a cactus? ow!
Voted
I look incredible today.
Vote Pearlswine.
I do not care what the election results are, you win.
Your world conquest plan sounds oddly familiar to my own retirement plan.... So I actually think it will work.
:3
Sounds like a foolproof plan.
Derphoof for Overlord
Derphoof is magic
Derp 4 CP!
Fuck go pony!!
10/10. Would read again.
Very very awesome.
Voted
FOR FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!