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THIS IS A SPOOF! I realize that I don't have the adequate level to run for congress. This has absolutely no affiliation with the TUP, where I am currently a member. I just think that this is funny.

This is the party platform of a real world Canadian political party, called the Rhino Party. I think it's highly topical, given that the elections are being held in a few days. Most of the real platform points are very Canadian, I tried to edit those out. The full text, as I received it, can be viewed at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=12534175022&ref=ts

Bryan Gold of the Rhinoceros Party described the party platform as two feet high and made of wood.

Other platform promises released by the Rhinoceros Party include😛
- repealing the law of gravity

- reducing the speed of light because it's much too fast

- paving Manitoba to create the world's largest parking lot

- providing higher education by building taller schools

- instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages

- offering to retrain those constituents who want to become illiterate by enrolling them in a state educational institution


- legalising pot. And pans. And spatulas. And other kitchen utensils

- building sloping roads and bicycle paths across the country so that Canadians could "coast from coast to coast"

- making all sidewalks out of rubber to prevent inebriated people from hurting themselves when they fall down

- abolishing pumping oil out of the ground as that oil is there to keep the earth moving smoothly on its axis and if you withdraw the oil, the whole thing will grind to a halt

- abolishing the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space

- annexing the United States in order to raise the mean temperature of Canada by one degree Celsius

- end crime by abolishing all laws

- making bubble gum the national currency, so that it could be inflated or deflated at will

- breeding a mosquito that would only hatch in January so that "the little buggers will freeze to death"

- adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks and tractors first, then buses, eventually including small cars and bicycles last

- selling the Canadian Senate at an antique auction in California

- putting the national debt on American Express

- declaring war on Belgium because a Belgian cartoon character, Tintin, killed a rhinoceros in one of the cartoons

- offering to call off the proposed Belgium-Canada war if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhinoceros "Hindquarters" in Montréal (the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do this)

- painting Canada's coastal sea limits so that Canadian fish would know where they were at all times

- counting the Thousand Islands to make sure none were missing

- banning lousy Canadian winters

- moving the Vatican to Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville, Quebec to promote tourism

- turning the Louis-Hippolyte Lafontaine tunnel in Montreal into a free carwash by poking holes in the ceiling

- drafting the Queen Mother to sew up the hole in the ozone layer

- building giant domes over several conservative neighbourhoods to keep the dinosaurs, both real and political, in

- annexing Greenland and creating a cartel with other northern nations in order to sell icebergs to the Saudis; the cartel would be called "Snopec"

- impose an "import quota on lousy winters -- Canadians are sick of being God's frozen people. It's time to get back to the four basic seasons: salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar

- include the word "fun" in Acts of Parliament, Acts of Provincial Legislatures, and Bylaws of municipalities, from which it was apparently conspicuously absent

- Renaming the country Nantucket