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Congressional Erections

Day 1,218, 20:11 • Published in USA USA

• by Gnilraps

Evening Edition
Day 1,218 of the New World

16 Shells is going to save you a lot of time.

Congressional Erection day is (almost) here again. And wouldn't you know it, but suddenly everyone's publishing a paper these days. Candidates just love to post their "platform". I did. And you know what I said in my platform? Crap.

Candidate platform.

They're all crap.

Most of them are regurgitated (lovely metaphorical imagery following that last graphic, no? Thank me in the comments) copy/paste jobs that no one expects you to read anyway. So don't read them.

Don't worry, the candidates themselves are nice folks. I hope you vote for one of them. Just stay away from their platform.

Why?

Because I don't even want you to care who you vote for. I don't intend for you to make that decision for yourself. You will be contacting a party president who will provide you with voting instructions and a moving ticket. If you can log onto #ATO on the 25th, that is where you will get your instructions. If not instructions can be sent via Personal Message.

Heck, if you are shy about it, contact me. I'll tell you what to do. If you are still too lazy for that, cast your vote for the USWP candidate. Trust me. I am a Federalist saying this. USWP.

Just please don't bother making this decision for yourself. It's not like you are counting on this candidate to bring home budget pork for your state anyway.

So thank me later for saving you the countless hours you would be spending reading 280 platform articles so that you know who you REALLY want to vote for. (Yup, that's 56 territories times 5 parties. 280 candidates. And I can guarandamntee you that there are at least 56 candidates you DO NOT want to mistakenly vote for. 56 or more candidates whose platforms will be stiNCy like that graphic at the top of the page.)

You'll likely miss out on a ton of soft porn, so I'll try to help with that too.

Time to get congress erected.

To make sure you are going to shut off your left brain and follow my instructions, 16 Shells is donating 200 Moving Tickets to ATO for the upcoming election. Use one them please.

-Gnilraps

Comments

Gnilraps Day 1,218, 20:12

Erect who ATO tell you needs erecting.

StygianSteel Day 1,218, 20:31

Platforms are pretty much the same old. It's true. Occasionally something interesting is said, but it's not exactly common. I myself am about to be guilty I'm sure as I'm about to write one. It's partly that thing where you look inactive if you Don't write one though. Kind of an obligation. I don't expect anyone to read it and think it's revolutionary.

Gnilraps Day 1,218, 20:35

@StygianSteel: just link your platform to this article.

Doom Soldier Day 1,219, 01:58

Dude!What the hell is this?

As usually i didn't read but there is no good pictures.

no vote.

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