Slavia

So, I found out today that I am a DAL candidate for Manitoba. I think I was supposed to withdraw my candidacy to let the other guy run or something. I don't really care. The point is: I am running for congress. Vote for me.

Now, you might ask yourself, "why vote for this dude over whoever the hell the other guys running in Manitoba are? This guy hasn't been playing for months. He is completely out of touch with what's going on in the game. Plus, I heard he's an asshole." All fair observations that I will not dispute.


HOWEVER

Electing me to congress would piss off a large number of people. Among these:

Wes Lewis
Code-Y
Citizen B
Augustus Baldwin's corpse
The Jewish Defence League
The Male Strippers Labour Union
Mel Gibson's attorneys
Dean22 (probably; last time I saw him he was pissed off at everything)
The United Negro College Fund




If you dislike any of the above entities, I am the candidate for you! Qualifications are boring, plus I`ve got a lot of them. Therefore, I'm going to list the shit that I didn't do instead.

-Was never Finance Minister under Bruck.
-Never got a media mogul since I was away when Canada had over 9000 people.
-Never could I into CP.
-Did not succesfully hold a building full of CAF employees hostage; I'd still like to do this- it's on my list of things to do between #34 Visit the Grand Canyon and #36 Kidnap Scorpius' mom and have her fight to the death with Batman.



Now, onto things I plan to do in congress:

-Probably nothing as I am perma-IP-banned from the eCan forums





If this is not a compelling reason to vote for me, here is a picture of several pigs:







Anyway, I'm too lazy to check who My opponents are, much less mass PM, so vote for Me if there's nobody good. Or don't. I don't need your approval you slug-sucking chronic masturbator, you.