A New Future for Juche

Day 568, 12:17 • Published in China Japan • by Kim Jong Rad

Friends, supporters, even those who oppose Juche Box, I ask you to put down your angry words for a minute and listen to me.

We stand at a crossroads for the future of this glorious nation, almost heaven, West Korea.

Now since faking my death after President Snayke and the Japanese worked to kill me in secret, I have been the victim of many slanderous insults and lies with no basis in reality.

I hope to take this opportunity to clear some of these up and outline Juche Box's new vision for the future.

Number one, since the failed impeachment attempt against President Snayke, many have accused me of and the resistance of working for the Iranians. This misconception arose since an Iranian would have been next in line for the job.

This is folly. I am staunchly opposed to foreign rule in Beijing. Had the impeachment attempt succeeded, we were counting on the congress to pull together and oust any foreign leadership.

Second, others have accused me of selling the nation out by somehow ordering the Reserve Bank of China to sell off state-owned food and grain companies.

Once again, these are accusations without one shred of proof or merit. I have no control over the Reserve Bank of China and gave no such order. In fact, I am opposed to selling off property of the state.

If anyone has any proof to the contrary, then by all means, show the world. I swear on the souls of those who fell at Gyeonggi-Do that I have nothing to hide.

Last night President Snayke fled from Juche Box party headquarters on Chun Li Chang Street, taking with him important party documents and party secrets over to the People's Republican Party.

A craven and cowardly act, to be sure, but Snayke knows his days are numbered.

We have only ourselves to blame, electing a leader named for the original deceiver, the creature Glorious Leader so gallantly drove from our lands and into Turkey.

No matter, with Snayke gone, I present an outline for what Juche Box stands for and hopes to accomplish in the future.

The most important key to the success of the country is a strict adherence to the Juche-idea, to build a country firmly rooted in the ideals of self-reliance.

This is not to say we shun foreign trade; we will continue to support such allies as India and Latvia and what ever other nations prove themselves to be friends.

However, we must insure that the country has the means to provide for itself economically and defend itself militarily with no outside help, should the need ever arise.

To that end, Juche Box supports nationalizing aspects of key industries, food at first, but later expanding into other fields.

The goal is to subsidize these industries with tax money to ensure that food of the best quality available to all citizens. Employees of these government companies would receive good wages, tied to a formula based on an individual's level of production. A Gifting Ministry would also be created, helping to raise the wellness of citizens in need above 40.

Tax rates would go up somewhat, but not to the point of making food distribution counter-productive for residents. Without having to spend wages on food, the people will be freed somewhat to invest their money in other ways to better themselves, their fellow citizens and the nation.

To ensure that 40 is the highest these citizens need, Juche Box proposes forming alliances and instituting a system of perpetual training wars to keep wellness and productivity at its highest.

This would also help to build a strong army, with soldiers eventually becoming a 10 to 1 match for any imperialist pig-dog who dare breech our borders.

When my fellow Koreans were absorbed into this country by the Indonesian regime, they inadvertently opened the door to a free and independent nation. Juche Box plans to keep it that way.

We also can not conceal our outrage at the continued occupation of South Korean lands by the Lesser Korean (Japanese) criminals, who claim they have taken over the ancestral homeland in order to prevent it from being taken over.

Juche Box will do all it can to undermine that twisted regime until the Taegeukgi flies free once again in the east.

You might argue that these are ambitious plans, and you would be correct. But nothing ever worth striving to create was easy!

Vote Kim Jong Rad Juche Box party president!

Long live Juche Box! Join us to make our the West Korean People's Republic of West Korea strong and self-reliant!

ALL HAIL GLORIOUS LEADER!