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73 Reasons Klop Should Not Be CP

Day 2,929, 10:29 • Published in Canada Canada

• by Kaminarinote

It's come to my attention that Klop123 intends to be President of eCanada ONCE AGAIN. As rightful heir to the Presidency, I demand he desist immediately and recognize my legitimacy. To force public exhortation of his resignation and my installation, I have prepared an extensive list of Klop's faults - CAREFULLY RESEARCHED I might add. Without further ado:

1. Klop once was quoted as saying "yeah, I'd let Serbia annex us" at the annual eCanadian Presidents Club Luncheon

2. Klop believes that the Earth is flat, and that the Sun is 23 miles wide

3. Klop rose to power as dictator by buying Alexis Bonte Tinto Brass' Caligula for his birthday

4. Klop reports jaywalkers to the police, and follows their conviction through to sentencing

5. Klop worships an obscure Nabatean deity named Joss Whedon.

6. Klop regularly uses inefficient or obsolete Pudge builds.

7. Klop voted NO to declaring war on the USA and forming the first North American Empire.

8. Klop refuses to send videos of him juggling to my inbox

9. Klop's real name is Stanislaw Wizniewski, 2nd Earl of Krakow

10. Klop has never changed his name to "Captain BigWang", even though I asked him

11. Klop once called me "insane" and "incapable of command"

11. Klop voted to impeach me once

12. Klop isn't Freddie Mercury

13. Klop probably isn't actually Canadian. Maybe he is, but I don't know maybe he isn't

14. Klop is a sleeper agent for the DPRK. The real one

15. Jazz is a pretty terrible music genre, to be honest

16. Poker? I hardly know her!

- B.L.