PrincessVictoria for Congress: Live from Paradise!

Day 1,125, 18:38 • Published in USA USA • by PrincessVictoria

My fellow eAmericans,



Ahem! Now that I have your attention, let’s get down to business. I have declared my candidacy for congress in the state of Hawaii. It’s high time for change in U.S. politics after the heinous hijacking of America. I am but a small part of the movement to bring change to eAmerica.


Not that change, you newb! (Lesson of the Day: Never send an intern to do an editor’s work!)

Why vote PrincessVictoria? The Aloha State has so many things to offer and I’m just the woman to give them to you! Yes, you!



We all know how stiff and stale Capitol Hill is but I’ve got the remedy for what ails Congress. I’m going to spice things up a little and do business in a bikini.



My staff, including the interns, will be required to wear traditional hula costume. There will be a mandatory policy that all employees must wear hula costumes at all times. I’m sure we can figure that out for the men when the time comes but who cares?



My office will come fully-equipped with a bar and all office hours are happy hours. Just slap on your swimming trunks or your bikini and bring a beach chair. We’ll supply you with the fake palm trees and über fruity drinks for your drinking pleasure, served by only the hawt interns I have in my employ.



And we’ll have pizza parties, too! It’s not delivery, it’s homemade Hawaiian pizza. Don’t spaz; it’s the good stuff and not that crap that Pizza Hut makes.



And guess what? They're cooked by this guy! You order it; he makes it! That's right: your very own Hawaiian short-order cook!



Let’s admit it; the Frost administration has shaken things up on Capitol Hill and a woman needs her protection. I’ll bring Dog and his crew to keep me secure. He’s already über excited cause he knows there’s a bunch of crooks in DC so don’t disappoint him. Can’t you tell he’s happy?



I’m counting on your vote in the Congressional Elections. This is not possible without big kahunas like you! With your help, we can show the mainlanders where they can stick it!




I’ll see you at the polling places.




Aloha,
~PrincessVictoria