Join the new world

Normally I wouldn’t write about myself in The Ranting Loon, not the thickness of my beard, or it's bushy impressiveness. I try to keep coverage to much more interesting topics, but since I, Ultimate Guinan, have today nominated for the senate in Tasmania - my newspaper seems an appropriate forum to say why I believe I deserve your vote.

This is my first venture into politics. Since joining The New World, I have fought hard for my country, established a newspaper that has quickly entered the eAustralian top 40 and purchased a Q1 food company that employs 10 hard working eAustralians.

So, like many of us, I am an active, dedicated eAustralian and I believe that I have much to offer.

1) I believe that it makes sense to support Tasmania. Our island state’s strategic position makes us the last line of defence in the event of an invasion. This means that Tasmania must be the next state to receive a Q5 hospital and that citizens should be encouraged to settle in Tasmania, as I have done, in order to develop it to a point where it can support eAustralia, in the event of a worst case scenario.

2) I believe in a strong, independent eAustralia. I do not believe that any of the existing global federations are right for eAustralia. We are Aussies, our culture, our spirit is free. Does this mean I believe we should stand alone? Of course not. I support the signing of each and every mutual protection pact that we can negotiate, except those that are not of strategic benefit (this can only be judged on a case by case basis). I believe in strengthening our nation through expanding war games partnerships. We should all be able to fight in some form, one way or another. We lose too many active citizens to military inactivity.

3) I believe in business. Western Australia is full of inactive businesses owned by eIndonesians. I do not believe that Australians in more developed states should start new companies while these WA companies exist. I support processes to more actively encourage eAustralians to buy these companies for themselves. I think a system of government subsidies for those willing to purchase these companies should be established.

4) I believe in the military. I support increasing resources to the AAR and our elite units in order to speed up sign up time and to allow them to do what they do best, more effectively. At the moment the delay between signing up and enlistment is too long. This is not a reflection of the dedicated people who run our military, but rather, of the help we afford them. Let’s help them more.

5) I believe in lulz. While many aspects of eRepublik need to be taken seriously, it is a game, we are here for fun and anyone who isn’t – should be. I believe in encouraging lulz at every opportunity, except those times where lulz would be detrimental to our great nation- for that would not be epic.

6) I believe that all senators should be active in forums and IRC. This is the only way that you can keep abreast of the ebbs and flows of the relevant issues and effectively represent eAustralia. If voted in, I vow to be an active senator. Only death, too much whiskey or a dirty mistress with mirth on her mind would keep me away.

7) I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. Oh, wait, sorry, I’m back. I went all R Kelly there for a minute, next I’ll be having sex with 12 year olds and writing b-grade Michael Jackson songs (ie Cry from the Invincible album, never heard of it? Exactly, and it was a single, a single!) – both of which are disgusting: paedophilia is abhorrent and Michael Jackson was capable of so much more. Anyway, ignore this one, go to (😎.

😎 I believe in independent politics. I am but a man. I have my own opinions and I will not bend them or make compromises in the name of fitting in with a party line. I believe that running as an Australian Independent, free of party politics, is the only way I can effectively represent the people’s interests.

So here we go:

Vote Ultimate Guinan for the senate in Tasmania

"If you're not going to do it for eAustralia, do it for the lulz."

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