[WYD] I Came Home (Day 1887)

Day 1,887, 11:29 • Published in Canada Canada • by Addy Lawrence




Forward...

During my last stint in eCan, I had an exchange with Cypher Rahl. I don't recall exactly how it went, but it ended with me making a commitment to making a sincere apology for a bunch of stuff that was on my chest that I knew needed to be addressed. Cypher said he was interested in that because he had lost a lot of respect for me because of those things. I've pm'd Cypher with a link to this article which is long overdue.



On my apology to Wally Cleaver...

About a year ago, Wally Cleaver ran for PP of MOO. This was on the heels of OLloyd's PP term which was something slightly better than a disaster. I conferred with Wally, who at the time had never wronged me and had always dealt squarely with me. I told him that I would support his candidacy provided he respected MOO and didn't attempt any monkey business.

I endorsed Wally and he won the PP of MOO. Things were fine for about a week, and then he turned, actively taking measures to compromise the party.

I was really pissed. Wally betrayed me and he was defiling something important to me, something that I invested a lot of time and effort in building.

As the administrator of the MOO forum, I had access to e-mail accounts of members, including Wally's. Blinded with rage, I abused the administrator privliedges and noted Wally's pm for the purposes of ill-will.

I confronted Wally, pm'ing him his personal e-mail account. I told him to resign as party PP, implying I would use the info to my advantage. He didn't co-operate, he just went silent.

I went onto IRC, changed my nick to his e-mail account, and pm'd him again. He didn't co-operate, again remaining silent.

I was livid, but I stopped there. He simply wasn't responding how I liked and I was getting a sick feeling about what I was doing. I regretted what I did, but I never apologized.

Today, I apologize to Wally for what I did. It was an error in judgement, and I'm sorry.

Wally shared this story with others. Some of these people asked me to confirm it as they didn't believe I could do such a thing, and I conveniently denied it. Afterall, my credibility at the time was much more solid than Wally's. Again, I took advantage of the sitation. I apologize to those people as well. I do not recall Wally's version of the story, but the spirit of it was I abused administrator's priviledges and threatened Wally with releasing the info if he didn't co-operate. For the record, I never released the info to anyone.



On my apology to saltydog...

One of the people that Wally shared the story with was saltydog, who was the root admin of the MOO forum. Salty, in an act of vigilante accountability, turned the tables on me and changed the MOO forum, making it look like it was under investigation for some sort of child pornography site.

Maybe I deserved this, but it definitely put me on tilt, way beyond butt-hurtedness. I've got kids and a great family life and risking it for a browser game wasn't worth it.

I apologize to saltydog for betraying the trust he placed in me when he made me the admin of the MOO forum, it wasn't right, I'm sure I broke some code of network administrators out there. What I did was wrong, and I'm sorry.



On my apology to eCanadians in geenral who expected more from me...

I felt vulnerable at this time. Root admins like salty could do things to me (like salty did!) like I tried to do with Wally, and I panicked. This is why I had that crisis during my last term as CP of eCan. I apologize to all eCanadians for acting like an ass and losing integrity and putting myself in a vulnerable situation with salty like I did. I firmly believe that had I simply lived the day to day standard that I usually do, and left Wally alone, and relied on the friendships I had already in-game, that salty never would have pranked me like he did. It was because of my error in judgement that he scared the crap out of me and I only have myself to blame. I apologize to the eCanadians that expected more of me, I apologize for over-reacting to the prank, and I apologize for taking so long to do this.



On my apology to the Captains of Industry...

When I took my ball and went home, I left a lot of people in this MU in the lurch. We had a very good thing going on, we were focused on building everyone's self-supply networks when I wasn't commonplace to do so. That said, I was subsidizing a heck of a lot of production with my network of companies and when I left, it put the entire Captains of Industry military unit in park. I apologize for putting that kind of pressure on you guys, especially Goran Thrax and Derek Ryan. They pulled through famously, but because of them and the great members of the group, not me. I apologize for acting so selfishly.



On my apology to United Empire Loyalists and eCan patriots...

After the crisis, I was on tilt with butt-hurt and went to eUS, essentially to hide and get away. Despite the fact I wanted a fresh start, I kept coming back to my regular eCan haunts and I would consistently find Wally and his cronies around. The sight of them incited anger in me, simply seeing their names on posts infuriated me. Without an outlet for this in-game anger, it manifested itself in comments and articles. I trash talked and trolled a lot of eCdns and I relished the opportunity to be the figurehead of the Exiled Patriots of Canada where I could really tear a strip of the anonymous object of my anger. It didn't help, really. I only offended and hurt the feelings of peeps who were my efriends. Exalted Druid, Acacia Mason, Wilhelm Gunter, funky hum24n, and most of all Plugson. I apologize to each of them, and the others, for putting my selfishness and anger ahead of our friendship, and acting with malice against eCanada.

People accused me of treason during this time, and even passed new laws so that people like me could be convicted in-game of treason for the kind of stuff I did. I am guilty, to the letter of the e-law, and I am sorry for what I did.



On my apology to Cypher Rahl...

A few months ago, I returned to eCan. I had good intentions. Unfortunately for me, there was a lot of suspicion and resentment toward me. I didn't address it, in fact I refused to acknowledge it, ignoring it altogether, and it made things tougher for me to return. Cypher was right in his pm to me regarding this, and I apologize for not facing up to these skeletons that I've kept in my closet. Had I faced them squarely at that time, things likely would have gone much more differently for me.



On my apology to Rolo Tahmasee and Rylde...

Yeah right 🙂



Denouement

Today, I return to eCanada because it is my home in RL and it is the only place in-game where I have felt at home. In my time in eUS and eIndia I felt fake because I truly wasn't a RL citizen of those countries. I have not enjoyed every moment of my time in eCanada, but in the final analysis I only have myself to blame for that, not the e-country. It is my hope that as a penitent man I will be able to pass back into eCan and resume the fulfilling e-life that I threw away a year ago.

Who's your daddy?

Addy's your daddy!!!