[SCANDALOUS]: CONGRESS: A MANIFESTO FOR ALL

Day 1,946, 12:53 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Citizen 4945322
Would you like all donkeys to be banned from going over 30 miles per hour on country roads?

Are you sick of dodgy goldfish sellers and their false handlebar mustaches?

Have you got an infestation of armadillos clogging up your settee and eating your cereal?

Do you have a doctorate in Surgery but are unable to get your desired job as the village idiot?

Have you been missold PPI Insurance?


If you are affected by any or all of the above, there is only one solution. For on the 25th of this month, yes this very month (March to be precise) you can vote for me in congress. Does that mean you have to vote UKPP? Sadly yes, but who cares? You get a big steaming plate of me, with onion rings on the side. Who doesn't want that? I'll tell you who: Adolf Hitler. Are you Adolf Hitler? No, I didn't think so.


NO ONION RINGS!

Want to hear all details of my manifesto?

READ THIS:


Farm Racers in West Sussex.

1. I will petition for all donkey transport devices to be banned from our country roads. For too long, farm racers have been abusing these animals for illegal racing, and too many needless lives (2 in forty years) have been lost.

2. I will see that all goldfish sellers be deported to their native Fiji, where they will be exiled for the remainder of their miserly lives.


THERE EVERYWHERE!

3. An Armadillo Infestation Prevention Van shall be positioned on every street corner in an attempt to halt this plague before it affects every settee in this country.

4. I will see that all congressmen be replaced by shit-throwing monkeys, who will NO DOUBT do a better job than all of us anyway.

5. I will convince all of our congressmen that CptChazBeard is the right man for our Presidential position, and will garner their support and campaign towards a successful term.

6. Jobs shall be administered by height. For example 4'5" - Professional Yoda impersonator. 6'7" - Russian Boxer.



So remember, VOTE MORIARTY!

A PAPER POLITICAL EDITION FROM SCANDALOUS. NORMAL SERVICE RESUMES SOON.