[Reform] Mongress List - as sexy as it is irrelevant

Day 2,773, 10:03 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Sir Humphrey Appleby


Afternoon gents o7

Another shambolic week into the occupation and our biggest delight/nightmare has become unavoidably clear - that for this term there will be no Congressional election due to a wipe. Quite predictably the last Congress has decided against dodgy democracy and have done us all a favour by voting themselves in again, logically saving me the effort of doing a Congressional list. But as a sort of undisputed tradition, we have to publish the sexist/sexiest Mongress candidates anyway.

Before I do that ‘owever, I thought it may be prudent to remind you all that UK Reform is, probably, the best party in the eUK, and that you - probably - would be most welcome to join us on, probably, governin’ the country and pretending not to. Ish

Now before my writers block becomes all too obvious, our completely irrelevant Mongress candidates... Actually, sod tha for a moment given they are indeed irrelevant. Let’s talk eRep prime political philosophy for a moment, given that’s also largely irrelevant but has been more or less culled for want of anything original to contribute beyond ‘I’ll reck u m8’.

What is a eRep political party for if most are already driven by common sense values? Is the game far too simple to comprehend for most, leading to synthetic over-complication in order to justify some vague sense of gamer community? If it has become obvious the eUK political scene is mostly Ajay, Ajay & Ajay Corp versus Constitutionalists, then is there that much room for political differentiation other than a simple ‘you’re a very dodgy bloke my lad’?

Probably, although I’m not sure it’s worth the effort.

Anyway, onto the list - brought to you by various brown envelopes/the game bugging every other time I tried to organise it:-

In first place we ‘ave the Speaker Adastros, who will no doubt be cancelling his holiday to witness the non-election that should guarantee him a third term as Speaker.

In second we ‘ave Wookie0, the bloke wot traditionally brings me the hastily re-sealed golden envelope wot has the list in it. Good lad

In third we ‘ave a wild Gali, who has downloaded half of 4chan to spam the congressional messages with. Top kek

In fourth we ‘ave Scarfar, Bloke Wot Bought/Liberated Der eUK, surely a bribe worth getting your non-vote in the election tomorrow.

In fifth also seeking his non-election we have a fresh-off-the-boat Chance Harrison, survivor of the Great eUK Citizenship Committee Beast and a definitely not a Yank

Coming up in sixth we ‘ave a wild Billy/Sambo who will continue to keep the kek healthily flowing as he gets his ministerial access anyway. Cheeky sod

In lucky seventh we have an early media mogul Jake ‘Bill’ Blake, refugee from the treacherous desert of Dapper and newly made Keeper of the Ale

In eighth seeking his non-election we have the eUK’s very own Chief Statistician, Bloke Wot Uses Numbers and Bloke Wot Looks At Prices. A bloke worthy of your non-vote

In ninth we ‘ave Garth - many time savour of the eUK and infamous pimp of the Royal Navy. *generic naval sodomy joke*

Making up our rear guard *heh* in tenth we have CertaCito, undisputed parliamentary heavyweight and nemesis of the parliamentary catering committee after his 45+ terms of service. You can’t go wrong with CC, particularly when your vote doesn’t count.

And that’s it folks!


Appleby
Keeper of the Drinks Cabinet