The Shameless Plug

...of 2011, aka. "Best in Show ~ '11"

Welcome to the 2011 presentation of the “Best in Show” trot-around to review all the past eCanadian Presidents who have placed so highly in the ballots of our esteemed judges: you, the electorate. The judges have selected only the finest to stand on the podium with the CP Gold Medal pinned to their profile. It is a permanent distinction that will be registered in their records, yet a ribbon or trophy only indicates the award and says nothing of what earned each the honour. The Shameless Plug invites you to join with us as we highlight the markers of the distinguishing traits each CP has groomed to peak presentation.

As each winner is presented for your reviewing, we have accompanied the parade with Paul Simon’s Graceland...


The military unit was shining
Like a national treasure.
I am following the river
Down the highway
Through the cradle of our civil war…


1) Wes Lewis

Shameless Tribute: Perhaps most deserving on the first spot of any “Best of” list would be Wes Lewis. As CP, he inspired the nation with his mature confidence and uncompromising persistence, never giving up ~ no matter the challenge or personal sleight. By the end of his term, Wes Lewis had laid a foundation for eCanada’s finances that would carry us onward and upward towards national pride and unity.


2) KronosQ

Shameless Tribute: A well-pronounced forum silverback took the main-stage of eCanada’s political performance and provided us with a most compassionate presentation of presidential prowess. Never had we a more multi-lateral leader, never more a compassionate soul. Non-elitist and ever compassionate, KronosQ honoured us with his humility and taught a nation that to be an epic president one also had to be common layman.


3) Jacobi

Shameless Tribute: This darkhorse of the presidential race was given little chance of ever seeing office. Of little experience and of even lesser fame, Jacobi at first under-wowed us with his pledge to run for office. eCanadian scepticism was quickly proven wrong. Like a thunderbolt from beyond, Jacobi amazed eCanada with his unanticipated competence. People from far and wide were heard to praise the surprising talent of this latent wunderkind.


4) Jacobii

Shameless Tribute: Many said we could not have enough. So we had more. And so there there was yet another round of Jacobi’s celebration cake to be shared. People were joyous and unsuspicious of any lingering dynasty that could ensue. “Jacobi for one; Jacobii for all!” ~ was heard across the land. T’was unity of faith in Jacobi and strength through his return to a second spot on our Top 10.


And she said losing war,
Is like a ‘zooka to your heart.
Everybody sees your borders blown apart;
Everybody sees the wind blow.


5) Kazuo Leblanc

Shameless Tribute: A self-educated man, Kazuo Leblanc advocated for the “au naturel” approach to governing the nation. His appeal to the “noble savage” in all of us brought out a few beasts, yet the majority of the electorate were thrilled to ‘dumb down’ their political esprit to a adopt a more proto-politician who wanted to rule from the gut instinct. This strong-spined savant awed many with his prowess on the Congressional floor, leaving the less educated, inexperienced backbenchers dreaming of ascending to such unpretentious dignity of Leblanc proportions.


6) Rolo Tahmasee

Shameless Tribute: An ascetic raised to unwanted heights, Rolo was reluctantly placed in public office yet assumed his duties as a yielding steer might bear a yoke. Eschewing all monetary compensation for his public service, Rolo stood out as a poor man’s politician, willing to endure the struggle upwards as any peon might do. Congress would stand ready to bear witness to his humble Legislature postings that encouraged our ‘better half’ through honesty and good faith. Coaching us all on civil manners and sacrifice for the benefit of the state, Rolo further engendered the fiscal program first established by Wes Lewis. With humility in hand and the books balanced, eCanada was poised to welcome its next ascendant captain.


7) Sperry

Shameless Tribute: Of little in words yet stern in fist, Sperry hammered home the dictat Canada demurely desired, all without uttering more than guttural phrases. Though short on vocabulary, he was tall on “gitn’er done” and could reputedly fix any funding fiasco with his handy ball-peen hammer or flat-head driver. It is said he once drove a Robertson so far through a flawed funding request that all who approached his office henceforth were double-checked to the third decimal before allowed entry. The treasury grew as the Comptroller fretted and read deeply of Paul Martin’s sermons. Though a dismal and darkened time, Sperry’s term still ranks 7th for its unflinching accountancy and economy of words.


In Graceland, in Graceland,
I'm going to Graceland.
For reasons I cannot explain,
There's some part of me wants to see
Graceland.


8 ) Wally Cleaver

Shameless Tribute: A steadfast workhorse akin to a K. Leblanc, Wally straddled the bull of the Executive rodeo to ride out his term to score a perfect 8. Comfortable in the saddle of the state, Wally Cleaver spoke to the masses from atop the mountain, professing a plan that would carry us over the peaks and valleys towards our eventual rise to power. With military forces in hand, Wally commanded the legions across the pond and over London Bridge. A most Glorious Victory Day was named as his keepsake on the day he so valiantly fell in the battle for Britain, hoist to his own petunia patch.


9) Aeriala

Shameless Tribute: From the warlord maul of Wally went eCanada into the pacifist parleys of our loquacious Aeriala. Desiring peace and compassion, eCanada’s needs were answered by this mild-mannered bipartisan. Always able to see both sides of any issue, the Janus-like wisdom of Aeriala soothed the divide psyche of the nation and brought forth many harmonious projects that united the country towards one goal: solving the most complicated puzzle of “Where’s Waldo?” ever created.


1o) Addy Lawrence

Shameless Tribute: Fashioned as a judicial reformer who would add up the laws and subtract all excessive models, Addy Lawrence tackled the task of governing according to his paternal instinct of Parent Functions. As extrapolated, he soon found himself the Base of an Exponential Expression by Simplified Radicals who declared that all derivatives would from now on equate to “No Bull.” The disfavour caused by his Leading Coefficient in the Complex Plane of eCanada’s demographic forced Addy’s Rationalizing of the Common Denominator at the Root of a PTO. In the end, the auditors cleared the embattled Legislative floor of bloodied ticker tape and declared all was squared away and accounted for, though could not identify a quarter of Bloc members trammelled in the fracas. The legacy of this Sunday, Bloody Sunday was a Harmonic Progression towards an Inverse Function of State. On his cenotaph is written: “UNity shines its brightest when security dims to its faintest. Have faith in those who rekindle its fires.”

And I may be obliged to defend
Every love, every ending.
Or maybe there's no obligations now,
Maybe I've a reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland.

In review, the “Best in Show for 2011” has been a cross-breed of leaders, ranging from the mongrel brute to the Bichon Fritz of our nation’s political pedigree. Each can be ranked and awarded for their class, yet what each brings to the show complements the variety of interests found in the spectating clickers.

Naming the “Best of the Best” would be fruitless, so we should accept each as standing on a level podium, no greater or lesser, though all pure in their own breed of leadership. To say the contest has "gone to the Top Dogs" would be to make light of the fact that each of us all share the traits of our prize picks and contribute to the same gene pool of talent. So when you admire these podium pooches, find also what is to be admired in you.

Farewell and have a fine day.