[Goodbye Blue Monday] Spanish People, Turtles and Pizza the Hut
Day 1,408, 15:14
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Paul Proteus
Disclaimer: This Issue is a Satire, If you don’t know what that means it means I’m better than you >.>
Welcome to a new issue of Goodbye Blue Monday!
This issue is in three parts:
-USWP and AMP in Tortoise Race to the Top!
-Iberian America full of Pesky Foreigners
-Pizza the Hut found guilty of being “all around pain in the rear” Judge Says
^Click for Mandatory Listening
So, to start us out, here’s a new feature:
Quote of the Week: “Spain? I think you mean Iberian America! –Cromstar, Old Man with a Cane
-USWP and AMP in Tortoise Race to the Top!
eUS, Goodbye Blue Monday, September 28
In current news, the month long struggle of the AMP to pass the USWP hit a major breakthrough when the AMP gained a member putting them at 506 members.
“This is great news, soon the world will feel the Revolution!” said an anonymous AMPlifier. He continued to state that, “At this rate of one person per second, we will pass the USWP very soon”. Though there is no official response from the USWP, still, one of our reporters caught up with a Zombie who replied nonchalant “braaaaiiinzzzzz, braaaaiiiinnnnzzzzz, braiiinzzzzz, besides we’re still over 20 braaaaiiinzzz ahead of them”. He then continued to eat our reporter’s brain.
Photographic Representation of the Race to the Top
As of time of publishing the USWP had gained another member
-Iberian America full of Pesky Foreigners
eSpain, Goodbye Blue Monday, September 26
As American and Brozilian soldiers calmly marched into Iberian America they encountered something they had never expected. Spanish people. When asked John Doe told us “It was something we had never expected, Spanish People in our very own Iberian America” Common speculation is that they were trying to “provide resistance” to the American entry in the continent but soldiers agree that it was a lazy attempt, and “at first we all just thought they were constipated”. Amurrican forces report that this will not be a delay, and that the most likely negative affect will be the dramatic increase of Pork Sandwiches Soldiers will be forced to eat.
Photograph of American POW camp in Iberian America
-Pizza the Hut found guilty of being “all around pain in the rear” Judge Says, uncreativity added to charges Post Mortem
eUSA, Associated Press, September 27
A most grorious day for Americans, known Multier and eUS enemy of the State , Pizza the Hut, has been banned by Judge Plato yesterday, in a move that gratified everyone, but truly shocked noone. To get both sides of the story we asked one of his many multies, or as they are affectionately known as “Pizza Pawns” what they had to say, t however, in favor of providing readable news we decided to not publish their responses. After provided with several large buckets full of evidence and thorough witness testimony, ruling judge Plato gave Pizza a sentence of “Eternal Ban-mnation” , though the Jury unanimously voted to sentence him to death by slow poison. For a while the Jury was split, however a major break came when it was discovered that half of the jury members were actually Pizza himself, the rest of the trial went without event.
Pizza seen here making his last plea to the jury
Update: Later, paparazzi claim to have spotted a Pizza the Hut II, while there was no guaranteed to his identity, the prosecutor added “uncreativity” to his charges, a controversial move given that it was applied Post Mortem but as the Prosecutor stated in his released statement “We’re just trying to be thorough, and honestly it’s Pizza so who cares” Still the Judge accepted this unusual charge and in his written statement went on to say ”..Pizza has demonstrated this behavior time and time again, and his new “description” is especially douchey”
This piece of news puts down recent rumors that Pizza the Hut had eaten himself after being locked in his Limo, and though untrue, many agree this would have been a much better outcome.
Looking for a Political party?
Join the Libs! Click Below!
Until Next Time,
Stay Sexy
Welcome to a new issue of Goodbye Blue Monday!
This issue is in three parts:
-USWP and AMP in Tortoise Race to the Top!
-Iberian America full of Pesky Foreigners
-Pizza the Hut found guilty of being “all around pain in the rear” Judge Says
^Click for Mandatory Listening
So, to start us out, here’s a new feature:
Quote of the Week: “Spain? I think you mean Iberian America! –Cromstar, Old Man with a Cane
-USWP and AMP in Tortoise Race to the Top!
eUS, Goodbye Blue Monday, September 28
In current news, the month long struggle of the AMP to pass the USWP hit a major breakthrough when the AMP gained a member putting them at 506 members.
“This is great news, soon the world will feel the Revolution!” said an anonymous AMPlifier. He continued to state that, “At this rate of one person per second, we will pass the USWP very soon”. Though there is no official response from the USWP, still, one of our reporters caught up with a Zombie who replied nonchalant “braaaaiiinzzzzz, braaaaiiiinnnnzzzzz, braiiinzzzzz, besides we’re still over 20 braaaaiiinzzz ahead of them”. He then continued to eat our reporter’s brain.
Photographic Representation of the Race to the Top
As of time of publishing the USWP had gained another member
-Iberian America full of Pesky Foreigners
eSpain, Goodbye Blue Monday, September 26
As American and Brozilian soldiers calmly marched into Iberian America they encountered something they had never expected. Spanish people. When asked John Doe told us “It was something we had never expected, Spanish People in our very own Iberian America” Common speculation is that they were trying to “provide resistance” to the American entry in the continent but soldiers agree that it was a lazy attempt, and “at first we all just thought they were constipated”. Amurrican forces report that this will not be a delay, and that the most likely negative affect will be the dramatic increase of Pork Sandwiches Soldiers will be forced to eat.
Photograph of American POW camp in Iberian America
-Pizza the Hut found guilty of being “all around pain in the rear” Judge Says, uncreativity added to charges Post Mortem
eUSA, Associated Press, September 27
A most grorious day for Americans, known Multier and eUS enemy of the State , Pizza the Hut, has been banned by Judge Plato yesterday, in a move that gratified everyone, but truly shocked noone. To get both sides of the story we asked one of his many multies, or as they are affectionately known as “Pizza Pawns” what they had to say, t however, in favor of providing readable news we decided to not publish their responses. After provided with several large buckets full of evidence and thorough witness testimony, ruling judge Plato gave Pizza a sentence of “Eternal Ban-mnation” , though the Jury unanimously voted to sentence him to death by slow poison. For a while the Jury was split, however a major break came when it was discovered that half of the jury members were actually Pizza himself, the rest of the trial went without event.
Pizza seen here making his last plea to the jury
Update: Later, paparazzi claim to have spotted a Pizza the Hut II, while there was no guaranteed to his identity, the prosecutor added “uncreativity” to his charges, a controversial move given that it was applied Post Mortem but as the Prosecutor stated in his released statement “We’re just trying to be thorough, and honestly it’s Pizza so who cares” Still the Judge accepted this unusual charge and in his written statement went on to say ”..Pizza has demonstrated this behavior time and time again, and his new “description” is especially douchey”
This piece of news puts down recent rumors that Pizza the Hut had eaten himself after being locked in his Limo, and though untrue, many agree this would have been a much better outcome.
Looking for a Political party?
Join the Libs! Click Below!
Until Next Time,
Stay Sexy
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Comments
Sexy
good paper, loved it
"ruling judge Plato gave Pizza a sentence of 'Eternal Ban-mnation'"
I lol'd.
Proteus for POTEUS!
TL😉R
How do you have the patience to write these things? I barely had time to write this comment.
good read, V+S
[removed]
Hehehe, good article. V
i farted
Welcome back! o/
write more!
OMG you wrote stuff
I TOTALLY VOTED IT
Good to see more Poteus in the media 😃