Plank: Official Federalist Opinions
Day 1,912 of the New World
13 February, 2013
The main plank of my Party President platform is to move our Party towards having official statements about important national issues.
Several of you have expressed some concern that this may “backfire” by alienating some people from wanting to associate with us if their views on the issues are different.
I do not think it would backfire at all, in fact I see it doing mostly the opposite. And so to further flesh out my vision of how this will greatly help our Party, I want to give you an example of what a Federalist Party Statement might look like.
Issue: Should eSerbia, a member of TWO and ally to some of our allies, be considered “friend” or “foe” to eUSA?
Official Faux Federalist Opinion:
Our Party held its caucus in #FedPartyChat where we discussed this issue at length. After everyone had a chance to be heard, we discovered that among our party membership, two opinions surfaced.
The Majority Opinion of the Federalist Party is that eSerbians should indeed be considered our “friends” insofar as they be allowed to clean our toilets, polish our silverware, and pick up after our pets have been let out back. As long as Party President Gnilraps does not find any spots on his favorite knife, and as long as an eSerbian keeps the cookie jar filled with oreos, eUSA will continue to regard them with a condescending half-smile of faux friendship. However if EnterAwesome steps in any dog poo when she’s out back collecting nuts and berries for our dessert parfait, we should airstrike them within minutes.
The Minority Opinion of the Federalist Party which was expressed by about 25% of those in attendance at our caucus is that eSerbians are our foe as long as they keep licking Ajay’s boot.
Our next caucus is scheduled for February 30 at 03:00 when we will be working on the official Federalist Opinion on the question, “Is Pfeiffer a butt?” All party members are welcome to engage this important discussion and each opinion will be considered. If you cannot attend, please PM your opinion to our Federalist Caucus director Soren Nelson who singlehandedly saved America.
Now all kidding aside, what I hope to accomplish here is threefold:
1 – That the Federalist Party lead the Nation in the formation of intelligent and informed policy discussion.
2 – That the Federalist Party encourage new members to get involved in the discussion so that they can begin to form a political career of their own.
3 – That the Federalist Party grow through the addition of quality minded thinkers and interested gamers who do not want to join a social country club but who want to be part of a political party.
Please consider either voting for me in the Federalist Party Primary or if you have already voted for one of my opponents, I hope you will reconsider. Our Primary system allows for you to change your vote.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled clicking
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