[eUK Rap Battle] Hail Astrid Responds

Day 2,861, 10:20 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Hail Astrid

How it starte😛

Didn't think they'd diss me, though 😛

If you suffer from insomnia, reading these may be an effective remedy!

DJ Fapzy (FightAndProduce)'s Lamentable Attempt

MC-CC (CheetahCurtis)'s Deplorable Effort

*mic bump*
*takes deep breath*
*takes off pants and panties*
*sh*ts on the floor*
*gets schwifty*

A message from Plato:
"Dear Hail Astrid,
Recently, you have created content that was deemed not legal.
Would you mind not being a damn harbinger of evil?"
I said, "Chill, man, don't be squeamish
All I do is write articles entitled PENIS
and occasionally end wannabe rappers' careers as I see fit
So now that I've finished my drink,
can I finish MC-CC and DJ Fapzy in a blink?
Plato said, "Hold on, just got a PM... er, urgent business, do what you want, I need time to think
Lana wants one in the pink and two in the stink."

If I said what I wanted to say to these two gentlemen
I'd have more forfeit points than I'd know what to do with 'em
Rhymes and punchlines weaker than a multi's strength
And verses shorter than King Willy's penis length

Why even try? You're not on my level, you see
Literally, you're Level 54 and 33, why pick on little old me? [Only Level 23 🙁]
I'd call a bullying hotline - but you'd have to do it on my behalf
Because when I saw those rhymes, all I could do was laugh

When I saw "MC-CC", I was actually afraid
Certacito droppin' hot bars? Or Caecidius throwin' shade?
Then I realized it was just CheetahCurtis
Was the time spent writing a response even worth this?
But I'd be amiss to dismiss this without acknowledging this premise
That that diss stank worse than a pot of piss

Now DJ Fapzy, I'm starting to question why I voted for you as Speaker
When it seems that your rapping abilities could not be any weaker
And don't talk sh*t about How To Train Your Dragon
98% Rotten Tomatoes rating - it's time for you to get on the bandwagon
And yeah, Alan Patridge: Alpha Papa wasn't as bad as it could have been
But I'd only buy it if I came across it in a bargain bin
This is getting long, I'd better wrap it up quickly then
So FaP will have a chance to read it before he rage quits again

Cheetah, you're slow on the mike; Fapzy, stop typing left-handed
Something something something toss a salad
I'm glad MOHA made that map tutorial; I was getting worried
That your ESO fam wouldn't be able to find where I left y'all dead and buried

I hope this will end the battle and leave you mollified
I hope it doesn't escalate to Dapper levels, like saying your kids died
But it was clear as day that the moment you entered this battle
You were up sh*t's creek without a paddle.

drops mic