[CP] I'M STILL ALIVE!

Day 2,578, 13:32 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by CptChazbeard
Vote! Sub! Shout! ENDORSE! ENDORSE! ENDORSE!



Huzzah and welcome to a shiny new term!

Firstly I'd like to heartily give thanks to the players that voted for me and to TRS, UKPP, UKRP, PCP and WRP for accepting bribes to support my campaign. I would also like to thank Canada, France, Portugal and Brazil for ensuring that I start the term without congress digging into any financial irregularities that may occur.



Whilst I'm in such a joyous mood I hearby give an official pardon to those who did not vote for me...may God have mercy on yours souls.

Secondly apologies for taking 5 days to publish an article. Being elected on a weekend meant there were meetings I had to attend at the Presidential Ultrasecret Boardroom, which kinda got in the way. Also, as you may have noticed, there's been a lot of warring that has occupied most of my game time and has constantly been changing.
Not perfect but I never pretended to be and there's no congress so whatcha gonna do about it?*

*If you're reading this in the future and are a congressman please note that I love you dearly.

Anyhoos, updates...



It's been carnival time in the eUK recently with the arrival of the Brazilians. Anyone who has lived in famous carnival towns such as Rio, New Orleans and...errr...Luton will know that after the loud noises, bright lights and scantily clad women flashing their huehues there's an awful mess that needs cleaning up. This week we have seemingly got rid of the trash.

A blitz attack was launched that with the direct assistance of our allies - Croatia and Macedonia – was swift and effective in removing Brazil and then Canada.

There was an approach regarding peace made the day prior to the attack. Whilst I do believe Canada were sick of the sight of us – after all this is war that began on 16th October, has spanned four presidential reigns and consisted of 104 battles (that's just for the eUK!) - we had to take into consideration that whilst previous negotiations were ongoing regarding peace they launched an NE.

Just a week previously Brazil had made an ultimatum to us that was simply unacceptable. Basically it was claimed that they were here for the long haul, to cherry pick regions and then perhaps use our regions as a platform to attack into Europe. If we behaved ourselves – i.e. let them take all our swag and perhaps attack our allies without a fight – then they might have allowed us congress for this month. Awww how sweet of them.

Besides it's a mofoing war game. Would you rather we sat down with the peace pipe and sealed the deal with a limp-wristed hand shake? Or with two airstrikes, RWs and counter-attacks followed by a bizarre conflict between Canada and Macedonia **WAIT THERE'S MORE** and an attack on the RED MENACE!



I used to prattle on about attacking China on those late, lonely nights on IRC a few months back. “They're quiet, almost too quiet...what are they doing over there? Have they seen Maddie?”. It became a bizarre obsession of mine to the point I had 30k Q7 weapons stockpiled ready for the assault and began seeking investors for “The Chazbeard Yoof”.
So dreams can come true? Well not quite. That was just stupidity whereas this attack is logical. 🙁



With Croatia and Macedonia in the hood and Ireland liberating a region we're in a prime position to remove a threat from our borders and simultaneously free an Aurora ally.

Attacks were launched from the eUK, Macedonia and Ireland earlier today and all being well we'll have them removed by the weekend.

Although this is ofc a great opportunity for TP medals, if we're comfortably winning then either keep an eye on the wall and fight if it drops below 55% or go and help our allies! We're in this together and there will be more opportunities for TP damage, you don't look this pretty without getting into a few scraps.



Well first of all Macedonia wanted to attack SWoE follow by Wales. It would block our border with Canada for the time being and give them a platform to help out their Aurora buddies in Ireland.

Now borders aren't always logical in this game. Two regions equidistant to another with only sea between them, won't necessarily both have borders. Some borders, such as Wexford and Louth, jump over land.

Basically the rule is don't take the map at face value, check and double check where the borders are.



This meant that Macedonia had to go into Newfoundland and Labrador to go back into Wales. However we had the initiative against Canada so auto-attack was running with only one region to attack...Wales. Time was really against us, after toing-and-froing Canada would have needed a clean sweep (4 rounds in 6.5hours roughly) to avoid Macedonia attacking their regions.

So basically it was agreed, we take Wales to close the NE. Macedonia launches into Ireland from NFL and attacks Nunavat (it's an expendable region) whilst this is all going on peace happens after Macedonia have landed in Ireland and everyone is happy...

It's eRep, no one is ever happy.





Yes ladies and gentleman a new tactic on “How to halt an Airstike if they don't propose you as a Natural Enemy” is upon us. Simply propose peace with yourself, happy days.



Without mongress to alter taxes our income has been pitiful. Thanks to a mysterious benefactor known only as “SF” we have had an injection of cash to re-sign MPPs and sign some additional ones.

- Chile
Pretty straight forward one this. A good ally and they're a valuable night-time member of our stack. I appreciate them still hitting for us despite the train wreck that was once known as “Kravenn – Foreign Affair Extraordinaire”...talking of which...

- Macedonia
In the past I've objected to signing with Macedonia owing to the fact they were wiped (therefore no MPP battles and we would have to set them as Mobile Prio either way) and had their own prerogatives so damage wouldn't be reciprocated to the value of the MPP.

Now, they have some regions and we're singing from the same hymn sheet in regards to Canada and afterwards China so I'm happy to sign it.

- Ireland
Just over two years I've been playing the game and I didn't think I'd see the day when we'd sign an MPP with Ireland and see New Faustian Man's head finally explodes.

Will we see the damage needed to make this pay for itself? Meh, only time will tell. For me this one is symbolic. On our part it reaffirms our willingness to help nations big and small within our alliance sphere when they need it. From Ireland's point of view I see this as a gesture of appreciation for that help both now and against the likes of Moldova that we have given.

- Turkey
Because why the f*ck not? At present we're taking a somewhat neutral stance and signing MPPs with those who have been decent allies in the recent past. Plus they too are attacking the Red Menace all be it on the other side of the World.

If you use the new battle screen you'd have seen plenty of Turkish fighters popping up quite regularly and dropping sweet, precious damage for us. Have they been good allies? Yes. Boooooooom. Signed. Next....

- Canada
Wait...no, not sure how this one got here.



NEXT TIME:
I will release an article over the weekend thanking our allies and someone in particular (me wrestles award from Wayne). As you can see this article is long and rambling enough already.

So til then...
Huzzah!


CptChazbeard - Part time eUK CP/Full time lover.


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