[CHUTICLE] ANNOUNCING MY CANDIDACY FOR PoDAN

Day 1,748, 17:33 • Published in USA USA • by Chutley



Announcing My Candidacy for PoDAN

I, Chutley, hereby declare that this month I will be running for the President of Doing Absolutely Nothing. That’s right, I want you to elect me as PoDAN.



Why am I running for PoDAN? It’s simple – firstly, I’ve already been doing nothing for months now, so I’m quite an expert. Secondly, doing absolutely nothing (DANing) is one of my most treasured passions. It's so much better than doing something.

I already know that I’m the best candidate - there’s really no competition (not that I’ve done any research) – but just to make sure you know too, I’ve created a platform to show my views on some of the most pressing issues currently facing our nation:

Military

Get invaded. Or not. I don’t care. Bottom line – do nothing.


Education

Do nothing. Let other people do stuff.


Media

Do nothing until I have to write another article at the end of the month summing up how little I accomplished.


Greece Controversy

Official policy: meh.


Citizenship

Do nothing. No one gets in, no one gets out. You’re stuck in here, or out there, depending.


Pakistan

Wish them good luck, then do nothing. Good luck.


Alliances

Close eyes, type letters, call it an alliance, tell everyone, then do nothing.


Bonuses

Pretend I have a complicated plan about resources, act like I’m going to give them back to some important would-be ally, then…nothing.



I’m also currently taking applications for my cabinet. Do you have what it takes to be apathetic and lethargic? Here are some jobs and descriptions:


VPoDAN

Occasionally say something, mostly do nothing.


Secretary of Media DAN

Never write. Maybe post a WHPR with a penis picture in it.


Secretary of Defense DAN

Take the fall, or claim the glory. Whatever, just don’t do anything to deserve either one.


Chief of DAN

CoDAN is the hardest position in the cabinet. It is your job to make sure everyone else is doing nothing. So, if everyone else is doing their jobs – in other words, doing nothing – then your job is easy, because you don’t have to do anything. But if anyone actually does something, get to work…kind of.


Intern

Watch everyone else do nothing while you, yourself, do nothing. This is excellent experience and could lead to fewer responsibilities in the future.


Head of Apathy

Send out depressing and/or zero shouts each day. Your choice. Better yet, don't even choose.


Chief of Inactivity

CoI just never even signs on. Apply now, see you in a month - job well done.



That’s it. My platform, my cabinet positions, and then these sentences wrapping it all up – this all declares my candidacy. So this election cycle please think of me when you’re voting and elect me as your President of Doing Absolutely Nothing. Or don’t. It’s not like I care anyway.


Nothingly,
Chutley