The War of Distraction

Day 634, 00:21 • Published in Ireland Japan • by Donovan Thomas

On the eve of party presidential elections a coup of sorts has shot across the land well under most citizens' radar. While the good people of eIreland wage the Poetry Wars and celebrate our first eWeddings our leaders are making deals with the devil that place Éire in the sights of those who seek to rule the globe.

Not all are guilty of this. Some are mere pawns in the game voting with their hearts, believing they are doing what’s right for their constituents and right for eIreland. Level up! Increase EP! Make eIreland stronger!

These are good things for the people. After all in a country with an average citizen level of 14 and average strength of (oh, of course I wont write that in public) eIreland is in no position to defend ourselves. Neurtral or not, who will come to our rescue? Oh, that’s right. We have nothing to fear. We have assurances that only real threat to the world is on the same page with us and our MPP with eGreece. Those same anonymous assurances will be expressed again soon, I'm sure.

While the ashes of eAmerica are still warm and the bodies in eCanada still putrid and rotting, while the Diaspora of refugees floods immigration offices across the globe President Aran Tall proposed an alliance with eLithuania while other war games had been voted on and then forgotten. This alliance has all but passed in the Congress.


Where is President Aran Tal?

Following the cry of WAR! shouted from the steps of the Dáil, after a great deal of backlash and public outcry following the unexpected and tumultuous eGrecian MPP (and the honorable and righteous resignation of the CoS) the President gave the eIrish people a lesson in uncreative word-smithing. There is no war he says. Whoever proposed such a thing is lying to you. Then as the debate over his poorly timed and mal-executed public scream of “The Turkish are coming! Save eGreece!” it was found that we were mistaken. There was no war, and those of us who would argue over our leader sensationally lathering up the dogs were being facile.

But it turned out there was no war against poor neutral eGreece. Though in the aftermath of the complete lack of military mobilization and confused flooding of the recruitment office the Ministry of Health did what the MoD apparently could not do. Issued move tickets and gave directions to noobs and non-noob alike on how to make their way to the Q5 hospital and wait for impending battle.

A battle which as of yet still remains in the mists of Aran Tal’s fantasies. So, what should we do? He promised the people a war didn’t he? And war is good, right? So President Aran Tal made a few phone calls, traded a few horses and bought us into eLuthuania/eLatvia and has subsequently put us in position to be pimped by PEACE.


Puppets and Clowns

My question is not what goes on behind the hallowed walls of the Dáil. I’m less concerned with Congress and their ability to vote what is before them than I am concerned with the beds in which our President lays each night and with whom. Who is pulling your string sir and by what secret play book are you taking your cue? You are absent from public discourse, you forward the barest of reports to your people and the country is left with nothing to debate but whether Yeats should be banned in some Bradbury-esque orgy of ignorance.

Come to the playground Mr. Tal. The children are waiting in the queue for their Head Master to deliver the word.