The Super-Duper Leaks of Last Mongress [+Vote on the most important thing ever]

Day 2,806, 16:03 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Rob the Bruce

Ehhh Aaron told me to leak the PMs a bit ago, I was meant to do it like yesterday maybe? Yeah, yesterday at 3 pm specifically...



Me being my usual punctual, diligent self (I'm totally all over that viking world thing, totes...), here it is a mere... 31 hours late? maybe? ugh maths.

If you just want the srsly important vote then head to the bottom of the article somewhere, you might wanna read the end of the leaks just to contextualize it...
As we've moved on to a new congress in the past day or two or three idek anymore I'm sure you, the public are dying to know what last congress did with their time.

Well let me tell you, not a whole bunch. It was pretty dead for a while. Rip in peace.
But then a surge of activity started at some point or another, there was a lot of memes so I had to delete the PM so my computer didn't engage warp-drive trying to load the damn thing, so I don't have those bits. cri.

HOWEVER, somewhere along the lines congress got confused (I blame the heavy meta roleplaying) and seemed to think it was actually the IRL UK House of Commons, started with King Willy who was... RP'ing Milliband or something?

Tbf the Cameron talk probs started before this but deleted PMs and all that...

What ensued was... quite odd.




I don't think Perilous quite got that Willy was almost certainly saying that gay marriage was bad.

Dapper tried to introduce some sort of conspiracy theory:

Then uh... spread gospel?



Eventually I got told about agenda 21, kinda...

The link is actually hilarious, if you fancy having a look you can do here.

Of course, I'd gone as mad as the rest of congress, and wasn't satisfied. Must've been smashed or something...

I did actually find it myself eventually. But er, the pdf scared me...

It's something to do with sustainable development? err... mentions combating poverty and saving the atmosphere, combating deforestation, other things that I don't actually understand. Also it's over 20 years old and non-binding (ie countries don't have to listen at all) so I don't quite get what the fuss is/was.

If anybody seriously hates themselves and fancies reading the whole document, I shall facilitate that for you here. The extra context I'm giving here, master journalist.

Back to the leaks, we backpedalled and starting talking about muslims again.


It went on for ages, so here are some snippets in a random order with no context whatsoever It's representative of how chaotic the congress has become, leaves the reader questioning, this is totes meaningful honest:

Tbh I just find "radical agnostic" really funny for some reason idk...

Moving on...

Finally:

#Getrektskrub *airhorns*

Then congress got dissolve😛


Of course if this dictatorship has proven anything, it's that eUK congress won't be stopped simply by a lack of power.

Muslim talk ensued for another day or so, lemme find when they did something else and I'll get back to you.

The next topic seems to be... um...


OK let's move on swiftly...
Ah here we go.


Intense beliefs that muslims are taking over, the belief that everybody's got terrible teeth... I seem to think the only place in the UK that Ajay's actually been to is... the poorer parts of Birmingham?

SUDDENLY TOPIC CHANGE:

I don't even know what's happening at this point, I didn't even do history at GCSE level so I just sat and watched and got confused...




What's operation unthinkable you ask? No bloody idea, maybe that's why they call it unthinkable.

It goes on for ages, like the muslim talk. A summary of Ajay's masterful foreign policy plan for circa 1945 is as follows:

1. WW2's just finished, everything's a mess
2. Threaten to nuke Stalin

Flawless.


I managed to salvage conversation eventually, and started a debate on what is actually the most important irl topic I could think of:


Roachford and the speaker recognized quickly just how important this was:cus ukrp congressmen are best congressmen


It didn't go well:



But it's OK eUK, I realised summin.
A) It's soooo ssuuupppeerrr important the whole public should have a say.
😎 Apples drunkenly dissolved congress so their opinion doesn't matter.

SO THE SUPER IMPORTANT VOTE IS DOWN TO YOU: VOTE IN THE COMMENTS
TL😉R
AGENDA 21? ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED
COLIN SHOULD LET JESUS INTO HIS HEART
WE SHOULD'VE NUKED STALIN?
SOMETHING ABOUT MUSLIMS
BEWBS OR BOOTY? VOTE IN THE COMMENTS BECUZ CONGRESS IS 1) INCOMPETENT 2) DISSOLVED
CHAMBERLAIN WAS A PILLOCK
-Rob the Bruce
BONUS PIC WHERE I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH PM IT'S FROM:

Writing this was an ordeal, send help.