TEPM: Interview with CrusaderCarl

Day 1,247, 05:04 Published in New Zealand Slovenia by Don KronoX

So today I will interview the NZ main Dawg … CrusaderCarl. All of eKiwis know him, but many of international readers have no clue who he is. So lets start...


CrusaderCarl

TEPM: Thank you CC for your time. Lets kick off with a simple question... how can you prove us that you are real, full blooded Kiwi?
CC: Well I could supply a photo the Silver Fern tattooed on my neck but it’s probably easier to just get Bass Junkie’s mum to verify it’s existence 🙂


Carls charming smile

TEPM: Many girls say that you have a huuuuuuuuge …. strenght. Do you practice often? With special attention to Lana or are you just natural like that?
CC: It’s all fake I’m afraid, I’m a smoking alcoholic, I need all the help I can get.



All the single ladies like Carl

TEMP: Henry the 8th (Aussie bloke) says that you like Maori women. Is that true?
CC: 100% true. They can out-drink me and still carry me home from the pub 🙂

TEMP: What kind of women do you like? Did you like angels in Angry Angels promo video?
CC: Yes of course! Srnica was my favourite, but I was surprised how good KrMa looked with a pair of wings too 😉

TEPM: Now lets focus more on you... Do you enjoy your celebrity star status?
CC: Well, I don’t know if celebrity is the right word. I do like to think I have made a lot of friends here. Sometimes they don’t all want the same thing. It ain’t easy being in the middle of it all the time, but I try to do my best and certainly enjoy everyones company.

TEPM: Name one celebrity you would love to get naughty with?
CC: Well, damn....I have to say it. The eAussies will love it. Ron Jeremy. (Can’t believe I said that :/ )

TEPM: How does it feel to be the most desirable eKiwi?
CC: Haha, I don’t even know how to answer that, I think u might have got the wrong guy. I do have to say that joining the NZDF IRC channel and the greeting’s I get really cheer me up so much, it’s nice to have such good friends.

TEPM: Who according to you is the best dressed man in eNew Zealand?
CC: Anyone in a NZDF uniform Bro \o/


Carl in NZDF unifrom

TEPM: Which is your favorite language other than your native language?
CC: Any, I love learning about different cultures, it’s one of the highlights of this game for me. At the moment I have managed to retain about 6 Serbian words in the last few months. Quite an effort for my teachers considering what they’re working with lol.

TEPM: What was the funniest incident in your college life?
CC: Oh no, lets see now. I was a pretty bad kid....One tradition we had before leaving school for good was streaking though the girls college. U didn’t want to get caught so I was running pretty hard when one of the girls I knew flashed me and I ran straight into a classroom wall and woke 20mins later in a Police car :/ Wasn’t funny at the time, but it is 10 years later.

TEPM: Which super power do you like to have and why?
CC: Well I drink too much for any cool ones, that would go so bad if I was super strong with a bottle of rum, so I’ll take lightening fast hangover recovery thanks 🙂


Carl and his second favorite drink

TEPM: Were you bullied as a kid?
CC: Nah, I was reasonably popular and a good size. I didn’t have too many problems.

TEPM: What's your bad quality?
CC: Rum. Arrogance. Laziness, u pick which one’s the worst 😛

TEPM: If I take a look inside your refrigerator what would I find?
CC: Speight’s bro! And a chicken you’d only eat after finishing all the speight’s.....

TEPM: If you were a t-shirt, what color would u be? Why?
CC: Red and Black! Canterbury colours 😉

TEPM: If you would like to go on a trip where would that be?
CC: Well, honestly I’d like to see Serbia now. And Slovenia. Not football matches though please, they look frickin scary.

TEPM: Do you like Jerry or Tom?
CC: Tom, Jerry’s a d*ck.

TEPM: What's your favorite food?
CC: Any seafood really, I love seafood.


Happy Carl

TEPM: What's the most important part of the sandwich?
CC: WTF, who made up these questions 😛 Umm, the bread, just wouldn’t be a sandwich without it I spose 😛

TEPM: What is the last book you read?
CC: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I got it out on DvD yesterday, my dog ate it before I could watch it 🙁

TEPM: How would you explain eRepublik in three sentences to a seven-year-old kid?
CC: Well son, it’s 20,000 people who play war with 100,000 people even less real than they are over fake countries with fake money they really buy. Stay away. Here have a rum.

TEPM: If aliens landed in front of you and, in exchange for anything you desire, offered you any position on their planet, what would you want?
CC: Chief Shepard of the super sexy alien sheep flock. Can Ron come too?

TEPM: If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
CC: A Diamond in the Rum.

TEPM: If Hollywood made a movie about your life, whom would you like to see play the lead role as you?
CC: Xanthar, 4sure.


Carl in "Silence of the sheep"

TEPM: Do you suffer from sleep walking?
CC: Nah, I have a mate that’s lost a leg though, he sleep drags himself around. It’s freaky as.

TEPM: What is your favorite color of socks to wear?
CC: Black.

TEPM: If I gave you an super ant where would you hide it?
CC: Internally. Surely that would be the safest place...

TEPM: Tell me how many hats you have in your home?
CC: Umm, none bro. I’m not really a hat guy.


Carl with a hat -.-

TEPM: Do you like to party naked?
CC: Yes, it’s a summer sport of course, but sure, who doesn’t?

TEPM: Why am I asking you these questions?
CC: OMG, I have been asking u that every third question since I started this, damn you 😛

TEPM: Ok thank you Carl... Any last words?
CC: I’d like to thank every eKiwi for coming down here and making eNZ a cool place to live. I was always worried about eNZ because of the lack of RL Kiwis. I now know I didn’t need to be, it’s been really cool meeting all the different people and so thanks o/

This has been a “Interview with a eCelebrity: The CrusaderCarl story!”

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