PSU Bread and Roses

Day 1,433, 06:37 • Published in South Africa South Africa • by Luc Praetor


KIMBERLEY, Northern Cape Province - There are lots of citizens here who think the Country President was in Kimberley recently.

Some think they even have a picture to prove it.

But the pictures they took were actually of a prominent member of the Patriot and Sovereignty Union's Rico Suave, the runner up in the last Country Presidential elections. "That's how close the results were," mentions Suave.

Suave, here campaigning to promote PSU congressional candidates to citizens voting from outside the Republic, and visiting from his home in the gritty small holding suburb of Dainfern in Gauteng, has been the center of much attention.

"I get two reactions from people," says Suave, just over three eYears old. "They either panic, thinking I am the CP, or they are immediately sceptical. Lots of voters don't realise what happened in the elections."

He said the first words out of most people's mouths are "President Suave?"

Suave, who is seven centimeters taller and seven kilograms lighter than Oprah, said citizens began to recognize him when Oprah first became active in the top order of eSA politics.

"And almost everywhere I went, someone would notice, but it's never been as bad as it was here in Kimberley the last few days," he said.

While touring places such as the cricket oval, the local sheep constabulary, or the nearby Great Hole Of Holes, the biggest man made hole referred to locally as Kimberley se gat "From Afrikaans, translated as the a***hole of Kimberley" ~ Editor, Suave said he sometimes had groups of citizens following him, and many people who took pictures.

"But now I'm a little worried. I'm very proud to be misconstrued to be the Country President, due to the close running of the last CP elections, but I don't want anyone to take a shot at me," he says.

Rico, and his running partner for Congress, Locutus (the famed borg drone), is representing PSU in the North West Province. This means that eSA Ministry of Intelligence agents are actively securing any areas the two candidates are visiting.

On a short walk with our journalist Luc Praetor, Suave turned many heads as people looked twice to be sure that they had just seen the eSouth African legend.

At a biltong shop near the Haak-en-Steek hotel clerk Selina Kitt was stunned when he walked in.

"It was a shock at first, but then I knew it had to be someone who is still active in ePolitics, but not the current Country President," Ms. Kitt said. "If it was the CP, someone would have warned us to watch the tills more closely. However, it is Rico Suave after all, a celebrated member of the famous Dignity Brigade."

Suave has the same receding hairline as Mr. Wet, the same build as Ms. Oprah, and a glorious smile like the late Ines Shumacher's. However, unlike Ms. Shumacher, he doesn't smoke a pipe, however, and his accent quickly gives him away.

Although he enjoys the treatment he gets, Suave said he never tries to act like the Country President. "I am a fighter, after all. Dignity First!"

Recently in a restaurant he caused some commotion when he asked for some Tabasco sauce to add to his Swedish Spinach Soup and Garlic Bread, until the waiters realised he was not the CP.

"At first they wanted to know where my bodyguards were," Suave said. "But eSA's Ministry of Intelligence agents are quite apt at appearing incognito."

Has being mistaken for being the Country President changed your life? "No, never. But as Oprah gets more well known, people are realising that I am not the current ePresident of eSouth Africa. I may have some problems," he admits. "Not enough people know about my interior decorating skills," he adds.

So far, all of the citizens who have mistakenly assumed that he had won the previous election, have treated him with "great respect" and adoration.

Although humbled albeit proud of his following, Suave wears an eSpanish crest on his trenchcoat sleave as a reminder.

"That is so that people will know that I am a member of the Dignity Brigade. Our old ally eSpain lives on, even through these difficult times!"
~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use