Let's Make A Deal! (Colin Lantrip Edition)

Day 2,891, 14:00 • Published in Canada Canada • by Xander Kross

Politics is exactly like a game show - a blatant push of consumer culture and gambling, lead by a fast-talking showman, usually featuring crappy prizes dressed up to look desireable, and most of the players walk away with nothing.

The game show we're playing now, with that scumbag Colin Lantrip 3 and his horde of Albanian savages, is Let's Make a Deal. And not the good one from the 70s featuring Canadian hero and patriot Monty Hall, but the repackaged, soulless, modern-retro version featuring Wayne Brady. Actually, even worse than that, because Wayne Brady is charming and can sing.



On Let's Make A Deal, the host gives the guest a choice between three doors; one hides a glamourous prize like a new Cadillac or a de-luxe vacuum cleaner; one door hides a little stand with 100 bucks on it; and one door hides a goat or a jackass. The host tries to bribe the guest with cash to hedge the bet, just in case the guest hasn't picked the door with the desired prize. Or something like that, I don't watch stupid game shows.

In the Colin Lantrip 3 version, the jackass is the host, and every door has a goat behind it. Occasionally, the jackass will try to bribe the guest - not with cash, but by shuffling the order of the goats. Meanwhile, the jackass has sent the announcer - also a goat - to the guest's house to burn it down and kick his dog to death, while the jackass holds a knife to the guest's throat and tries to make him run up on stage and punch the door-opener girl in the sternum. And he's telling the audience about the Jeep Patriot that the guest keeps turning down.



Lantrip has publicly made the following demands of us:
- abandon our long-standing and beneficial relationship with Serbia
- remove Rylde from power by installing klop123 as dictator

It wasn't that long ago that eUSA had us under their boot for a few months, trying to force these exact same things. They were huge dicks about it in their and our media, and they occupied us for several long months.

Lantrip, on the other hand, has publicly maintained a "civil" face, not resorting to publishing inflammatory, insulting newspaper articles. But the demands are essentially identical. Hiding behind a mask of affected civility doesn't make him a nice guy - he's still a foreign enemy attempting to dictate our foreign policies, force us to elect a president of his choosing, and kill our community.



His tactics are even more vicious than eUSA's were "back in the day" - perhaps it is only because the dictatorship module hadn't been unleashed yet, but the Murikans didn't actually take over our government to destroy our economy and MPP stack. He claims to be doing this in an effort to weaken our effort to resist the occupation, but the truth is much more pathetic than that.

This isn't a "let's kill eCanada" situation, like it was with eUSA. They hated all of us and our allegiance to our Serbian bros. They disliked our attack on eUK right at the beginning of the alliance reshuffle. They wanted to punish all of us.

With Lantrip, this is a "Rylde is a jerk" grudge. He has a problem with one person in our country, so he is spending ridiculous amounts of money to harm all the rest of us and kill the community.


That, my friends, is a Zonk.

Whether or not Rylde is a jerk is not really up for debate. We elect him for what he is, and will continue to do so as long as he chooses to keep running. Our election process is not subject to the whims of an enemy. Love him or hate him, he's ours to do with as we please.

Likewise, our relations with Serbia - or anyone else, for that matter - are ours to determine. We have held onto this principle for as long as I've been an eCitizen. We've suffered long occupations defending it. Lantrip and his money won't change that.

Lantrip wants us to play his version of Let's Make A Deal. He wants us to pick one of the doors. We, the players, will hold out until Family Feud comes on - the most excellent version with drunk-ass Rylde Dawson as the host.

No deals. No doors. Just GTFO.