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It has been less than twenty-four hours since Cozza won the closest election in eAustralia history to become the new ePrime Minister. Every eAustralian was watching the polls very closely for the outcome – many happy about Cozza’s victory while many were upset their man didn’t win. But while everyone had their eyes fixated on this race, we at the Word Down Under were keeping an eye on what was going on outside the elections and post-election celebrations.

My reporters never take a rest nor do they stop to do anything besides find out what really is going on in eAustralia. So while many eAustralians were drinking in celebration or drinking in depression, my reporters were out doing what they do best: finding the truth!

In the early hours of the morning in the bosom of eAustralia – a terrible crime was committed. It is a crime so terrible that it makes me sick to think that something like this could have happened. It is a crime so terrible that my heart goes out to the innocent parties involved in this scandal.

What scandal you ask?



Cozza was involved in a serious car accident in the early hours of the morning. He is unharmed however and luckily too, since he would have been out of his first term as ePrime Minister should he have been seriously injured.

How is this a scandal though? It is what provoked the car accident that is most scandalous.

Cozza has cheated on his eWife and eAustralia’s First eLady, Dycey Farley!

I am as shocked as you are eAustralia but what my reporters have told me must be the truth for I would NEVER publish fabricated lies and deceive the public. How did my reporters find out about this? It all began with that little car accident that happened in the early hours of the morning.

Cozza was found inside his wrecked car that was so smashed up he had to be cut out of it with the Jaws of Life. Paramedics and police were on-hand at the crash site, which happened in the driveway of Cozza and Dycey’s home. Cozza was not taken to hospital but was treated on the scene for minor cuts and bruising on his head.

It is believed that Cozza, while reversing out of his driveway, crashed into a fire hydrant. Before the accident had taken place there was some damage dealt to neighbouring properties while he was in the car. We have “given” permission by the police to look at their report and to use a drawing of the path Cozza’s car took that lead up to the collision.



Shocking isn’t it? Though the question is still aske😛 how is a car crash related to him cheating? It was an infuriated Dycey that caused the crash!

She discovered that Cozza was “having a gay ol’ time in Bedrock” with one of the female interns at ERA at the ERA celebration party. Outraged that her eHusband would break, no, SHATTER their eMarriage vows, Dycey and Cozza were heard arguing about “that little intern tramp” as my reporters heard Dycey call her.

Rightfully so Mrs. Soon-to-be Former Cozza! I know this intern. I’ve seen her wear her revealing tops that expose her breasts more than Janet Jackson at the Superbowl. I’ve seen her wear those short, tight mini-skirts that reveal her silky smooth, luscious legs. I know she spends more time in the janitor’s closet than a broom!

My reporters were outside the house and heard plates and glasses being broken against walls. So great was their fight drew the attention of Cozza’s neighbours. There was silence. Suddenly, the front door was swung open as Cozza scurried out. He ran to his car as if he were being chased by a pack of zombies and fumbled with his keys as he tried to unlock his automobile.

He turned his head behind him and fear overwhelmed him as Dycey stormed out of their house, armed with a cricket bat. She screamed like a banshee as Cozza finally unlocked his vehicle and jumped in. Dycey ran up to the front of the car as Cozza started it and proceeded to strike the hood. Cozza panicked and slammed the car into reverse. The steering wheel of his car locked up that ultimately lead to the path of destruction he created.



Dycey had to put on a brave face as paramedics and police arrived though. She tossed aside the cricket bat and cried as if she had lost her husband.

I don’t believe these were for show. I believe that these were legit tears shed by our lovely First eLady in light of knowing that her eHusband, Cozza, had cheated on her! It suddenly hit her that the perfect marriage she thought she had entered was a scam!

When my reporters told me about what had happened I was infuriated! I couldn’t believe Cozza, our new ePrime Minister, would do something like this – especially to a lovely lady like Dycey! I got on the phone with our new ePM straight away and he had this to say about the incident:

“What the hell are you talking about? Everything you publish at the Word Down Under is a bunch of crap and so is this! I wasn’t even home when the crash happened! I was with my wife and the entire ERA party. Speaking of which, why didn’t you go to our party since you’re a mem…”

At this point I hung up on our ePM because I could not handle anymore of his abuse. It was clear to me that he was in full defense mode as a guilty man would be. I decided to speak with Dycey and ask her how she was feeling about what had taken place. Knowing that there was a chance Cozza would pick up the phone and block me from having the conversation, I disguised my voice as if I were a representative from a cosmetics company. The plan worked! I spoke to Dycey and she had this to say:

“I was with my husband all night at the ERA party so he didn’t cheat on me and he never has cheated on me. We have over fifty people who can say Cozza was at the ERA party the entire night as well. And the person you claim Cozza is having the affair with, isn’t she a les…”

I had to hang up for I couldn’t stand listening to a deluded Dycey. It is clear to me that Cozza has brainwashed her. Oh how my heart goes out to the innocent First eLady for being a victim. She is one of the many poor women in this eWorld who don’t want to think her eHusband or eBoyfriend is cheating on her since it makes her feel like there is something wrong with her when there isn’t.

To confirm everything that had happened at the Cozza residence, I personally spoke to the Commissioner of the ePolice of eAustralia and he had the following statement:

“At approximately 2:12am, four youths broke into the residence of the newly elected ePrime Minister, Cozza. While he and his eWife Dycey Farley were attending the ERA party, the youths stole his car and caused a great deal of damage to the neighbouring houses. The youths were taken to hospital for minor injuries and pleaded guilty to the entire thing. They will be brought into police custody once cleared by medical staff where they will face court at a later date.”

There you have it eAustralia – Cozza has the ePolice well in his pockets! I cannot believe that everyone is either denying this scandal or are being paid to cover it up! Is there anyone that is safe from this corruption? There is someone, eAustralia, and I am that someone who will not be tempted by the spoils of greed!



I’m going to say this to all of you eAustralians and I hope you are reading this Cozza. I know the truth. I’ve seen the way you and that home-wrecking hussy of an ERA intern act during our meetings! I’ve seen the little winks and grins you both exchange. I’ve seen how you blow kisses to that skank and I’ve seen her catch those kisses and place them on her filthy cheek. I know the little games of footsies you two engage in because one day I was sitting next to her and you started to play footsies with me thinking it was her foot. I didn’t say anything at the time as your toes were exotically soothing, but I know it was meant for that slag!

Here’s the facts eAustralia: Cozza crashed his car after he was chased by Dycey when she discovered he was having an affair! The facts are clear and no matter who tries to deny this, the truth will never be tainted here at the Word Down Under.

Shame on you Cozza, shame!

(Editor’s Note: We at the Word Down Under have been approached by Cozza’s lawyers and are currently in the process of being sued for slander. We are working strongly on our defense in that it is not slander if it is true – or is it still slander?).