Join the new world

So this is a series I used to write about a year back, about prominent figures in the community. I decided to revive it now we have a lot of new people to pick on! The information is purely fictional and it's written without the blessing of the subject.

I'm not feeling awfully creative today, so this is just an adaption of some existing stuff. Enjoy!

BigAnt

Age: Classified
Occupation: Great and Eternal Leader
Location: Classified



This is BigAnt. Leader of men, tamer of wild beasts. Look at that pathetic animal on which he sits. Its spirit is broken. It bends to BigAnt's will, and the muscular weight that sits atop it. Should it resist, it knows it will face the full fury of the UK's security forces. They're trained to kill such a large beast with two fingers. BigAnt can kill them with one. This is a very high cliff.



This is BigAnt. Wooer of women. Creator of offspring. Provider of orgasms. He is not some worthless, ageing technocrat, hamstrung by asinine thoughts of rights and laws. No. He attracts the young. Look how happy they are in BA's Britain.



This is BigAnt, saviour of British economy. Protector of the people. Owner of a range of suits. Before BigAnt came to power, eUK's arms industry was the pity of the eWorld. Now, positions are reversed. Except eUK doesn't feel pity for other countries under BA's rule - it only feels pride. Oil, potatoes, polonium, eUK exports it all.



This is BigAnt. Explorer of the Arctic, conqueror of lands, master of bears. Notice how BA stands proudly over his prey, while others loiter around the hind quarters. BA approached the jaws of the beast, and poked its nose with contempt. How dare it wonder across his newly conquered land? This bear thinks it's big! Well, BigAnt is bigger; eUK is bigger.



This is BigAnt. Husband of his wife, owner of a couch, father of children, a man. He owns a television device, which airs programmes that are satisfactory to BA's standards. He owns four different types of bottled water. He also owns a dog, which he loves. His dog does as he commands and obediently sits next to him. In all of these ways, he is very much like every man from the eUK. He is everyman. Except he is better than every everyman from the eUK.



This is BigAnt. Owner of a car, man of steel, man of rubber. He loves his country, he is its leader. There is no overtaking BigAnt. There is no corner of this land his car cannot reach. His car is too wide to get around, too narrow to get stuck. Those who don't love his country like him will be ruthlessly crushed. Whether it is an enemy from within our outside of the eUK, BigAnt will mount his DeLorean of patriotism.



This is BigAnt. Winner of elections, collector of votes, politician. He is an electoral force that cannot be halted. See how the tiny workers try to plaster his enormous campaign images to the side of tall buildings. He is ten times the size of them. They are nothing. He is everything. There is no one else, not on the state funded television, not on the state regulated press, certainly not on the forums. Watch how they cling on to his tie while attempting to put these huge images on to skyscrapers. They live in fear of falling. BigAnt won't fall from the building. He doesn't fall from the building. He IS the building.

Important Notes

You can only see him because he wants you to see him. Praise be the eternal leader, BigAnt.