[MoHA] The Second Ministry Article of Garh L
Day 2,970, 21:46
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by eUK Home Office
The image you see above is real. Do not adjust your television sets.
Greetings, citizens of the nation of the eUnited Kingdom, the second greatest imaginary nation ever created (behind the Zulu one).
After the publication of The First Ministry Article of Garh L, there have been concerns sounded about the professionalism or lack thereof at the Ministry of Home Affairs, the second greatest eUK organization ever created (behind Unicorn Battalion).
Aside from this evidence, most evidently, this is evident in the low number of votes in said article, indicating evidence of customer dissatisfaction with the ministry, as evident in how an article about puddles was deemed of similar quality to the evidently ground-breaking and life-giving work we do here at the ministry. We may recycle the same welcome article every month, we may use a horrifyingly pink banner, we may even subliminally attempt to turn you into an Illuminati slave. But we would never stoop to the level of writing an article about puddles. We have our dignity.
We at the Ministry of Home Affairs take our work very seriously, as evidenced by our new official motto, "Keeping You Safe". How we will keep you safe through the production of articles remains a trade secret which we cannot reveal. However, we urge you to ask yourselves, "Do I feel safer now, knowing that the MoHA is out there, keeping me safe?" I think we all know the answer to that question, and that answer is "huh".
Indeed, there has been much confusion and consternation within the Ministry itself about the direction in which we are about to head, in that that direction could be One Direction, and giving One Direction head is never the most pleasant of activities. Having conducted a straw poll about how pleasant giving One Direction head would be, a stunning 0% of respondents responded, mostly because they were straws and did not appear to be sentient in any way whatsoever.
"But enough beating around the bush," you cry.
"Boohoohoohoo," you continue crying, as I wait politely for you to stop, even going as far as to offer you a tissue, which you politely decline. "What is this article even about?" you manage to sniffle, in between sobs. I take a picture of you and upload it to Instagram, with the caption "lol look at dis skrub havin emotions and shit... smh fam". It gains many likes within minutes.
In conclusion, the Ministry of Home Affairs apologises for any offence it may have caused by its unprofessional conduct in the past. According to vintage eUK citizen Sir Humphrey Appleby, the last time MoHA were professional was in 2010, so we would like to take this opportunity to apologise on behalf of the last half-decade of MoHA representatives and their reprehensible behaviour, and we hope to usher in a new culture of professionalism and reputable journalism.
If you have made it this far, then please comment on how the Ministry of Home Affairs can serve you better. We will take all suggestions into account, and we may even read them.
This has been your Ministry of Home Affairs team for January 2016, keeping you safe under the administration of Garth Lidlington M.D.
Frixios of the Clyde
Reginald Kray
King William the Great
Thank you for reading.
The usage of humourous gif images has been deemed unprofessional and thus unbecoming of this great ministry. If you wish to indulge in such frivolous entertainment, MoHA recommends www.buzzfeed.com for hilarious original content.
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Comments
Great article astrid
smh fam did u even read the article
Thank you for your suggestion, Aaron Mark Daniels.
moha keeping us safe should be a weapon of last resort 😛
Thank you for your suggestion, Sir Humphrey Appleby.
We will look into the possibility of developing weapons of mass destruction with immediate effect, and hope to be able to unleash nuclear holocaust by the end of January.
http://i.imgur.com/TLswqzN.gifv
Thank you for your suggestion, Sir Humphrey Appleby.
While we at the MoHA find such humourous GIFs to be a deplorable stain on our civilization, we did let our hair down for a moment and enjoyed a brief chuckle, before resuming work.
Can the MoHA stop the French?
Thank you for your suggestion, Aaron Mark Daniels. At MoHA, we strive to provide better service for the eUK, and if stopping the French would raise customer satisfaction levels, we will surely do it.
At the moment, the combined strength of MoHA members is around 10k, which allows us to turn the tide of any battle without needing COs. Rest assured, the French problem will be taken care of, and you will be kept safe from all harm.
Except if the Spanish vCP attacks, we can't do anything about that.
buzzfeed is awful bruv
Thank you for your suggestion, Frixios of the Clyde.
On the contrary, we feel that Buzzfeed represents the MoHA very well - a clean, wholesome, family-friendly site with little chance of encountering child pornography during your visit. We do urge you to give it a try.
Can the MoHA make me cool?
not even Jesus could pull that off
Thank you for your suggestion, Aaron Mark Daniels.
However, we do urge you to exercise caution in throwing around the names of religious figures as references in the modern secular society we live in today. It is well known that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster frowns upon such behaviour.
Thank you for your suggestion, Sambo223.
At the moment, we are unable to regulate your temperature by internet connection. We are sorry for the inconvenience caused.
Need moar unicorns
Thank you for your suggestion, Dave Trenga.
MOAR POWEERR
Thank you for your suggestion, Mo Kushla.