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This article is full of jokes from a top 50 funniest jokes of all time selection. 😃

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost 3 days already!

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she sai😛 ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.

''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''

I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.

Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''.

I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.

I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.


Until next article,



PP