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[GBM] Americans Shocked to learn CoT is not, in fact, a Collapsible Bed

Tag 1,910, 14:24 von Paul Proteus
This article is a satire, which contrary to common belief is not a taco



Welcome to Goodbye Blue Monday, your source for all the news the other papers refuse (or don't want) to cover!




Americans shocked to learn CoT is not, fact, a collapsible bed.

Day 1910: Washington DC, eUSA

In the latest news, Americans are collectively coming to the realization that CoT is in fact not a small collapsible bed perfect for guests but instead an acronym for a military alliance in which the US partakes. While CoT officials themselves were unavailable for comment, former American president Fingerguns replied, “No Shit, did anybody actually think that? I think you’re making that up, this paper sucks”.


Just to be clear CoT is NOT a cot

While authorities remain disconnected from the furniture focused public, concerned citizen Malarkey83 was one of many caught off guard by this recent epiphany, quoted as saying “Really? Are you sure? If it’s not a bed maybe it’s a small shelter for livestock or a burrito or something, but cot really doesn’t sound like an alliance” when further pressed Malarkey revealed he thought the recent CoT controversy was more of a “Sleepys vs Posturepedic” issue than an actual policy point.


Totally legit Public Approval graph I didn’t make on MS Paint

In other news, American approval for the CoT alliance has dropped 50 points since the realization that no guests could sleep on it and that it most definitely didn’t match the wallpaper.

What’s next for America? We at Goodbye Blue Monday aren’t quite sure, but we do know we need a new bed!
Note to self, work on punch lines


Local Player Realizes eRepublik isn’t Facebook after 2 years of Playing

Sometime earlier today, Indiana, eUSA

A Mr. Jonathan Doe reported earlier that after two years of playing eRepublik under the moniker “BoogerMan69” he has come to the realization that eRepublik.com is in fact not Facebook. “I must have clicked an ad or something when I was trying to register for facebook, and just gone with it, I mean everyone was an asshole and I didn’t recognize anyone on my friends list, but that’s pretty much how facebook is too, so I didn’t find it that odd”. BoogerMan69 has also credited the shout system, and other similar features as reasons for his confusion. In his two years playing, he has achieved 16 hardworker and 4 Congressional medals as well as “accidentally” becoming President of several small countries. “Yeah screw this, I’m leaving now, man I really thought this was facebook”, BoogerMan69 was reported saying yesterday before logging out forever.

Leading to his realization was the new “eRep v4” login screen that the Admins had secretly shown to citizens


In other words, our photoshop budget got slashed


Elitists Conspire in Global American Conspiracy to keep Goodbye Blue Monday Down



In other words, Hadrian X and ENN have been recognizing quality journalism…
Oh hey, click here to vote for Article of the Month for January!

*Cough*
As I was saying before I interrupted myself, Hadrian and ENN have been recognizing quality journalism, which I’m all for, except not once has the reputable and legitamate Goodbye Blue Monday been recognized for anything! Was it that I didn’t write anything? MAYBE, but that’s certainly not an excuse, as all four of you reading know, GBM is an essential part of eAmericana, and your only source of cutting edge unbiased journalism, so go here and submit this article or any other for article of the week! Now some of my more cynical readers might think this angry rant is actually just advertising ENN…to them I say “shut up” and “have a great day”,

Proteus Out~

Your Moment of Zen:



SEE!? It's topical~



So that wraps up today's Goodbye Blue Monday

Until Next Time,

Stay Sexy


 

Kommentare

Bia Pandora
Bia Pandora Tag 1,910, 14:26

LOL well done

Oblige
Oblige Tag 1,910, 14:29



>mfw chart accurately matches public opinion.

jadiv
jadiv Tag 1,912, 05:24

Yes it does!

Dio Eraclea
Dio Eraclea Tag 1,910, 14:31

CoT for TWO, that is the question!

TorrinTheGreat
TorrinTheGreat Tag 1,910, 14:32

Voted,most entertaining read in a while!

Hadrian X
Hadrian X Tag 1,910, 14:33

"...not once has the reputable and legitamate Goodbye Blue Monday been recognized for anything! Was it that I didn’t write anything? MAYBE, but that’s certainly not an excuse..."

x2

ElvenCRO
ElvenCRO Tag 1,910, 14:36

lol

Duncan Crowe
Duncan Crowe Tag 1,910, 14:41

Nice read, I laughed

p/h

Krimpie
Krimpie Tag 1,910, 14:43

One of the best articles I skimmed in a while

Phoenix Quinn
Phoenix Quinn Tag 1,910, 14:44

I am shocked I tell you, shocked.

Thanks for this excellent expose.

Trogdorthetroll100
Trogdorthetroll100 Tag 1,910, 14:50

I'm still confused. CoT isn't a bed?

Drew Blood
Drew Blood Tag 1,910, 14:51

Oh my God...flabbergasted I am....

Fitisin
Fitisin Tag 1,910, 15:02

Ha ha! That's an awesome read. Thanks for writing this!

BugsBunnyz
BugsBunnyz Tag 1,910, 15:04

Haha!

Bia Pandora
Bia Pandora Tag 1,910, 15:05

This monumental exhibition of writing has been submitted to [ENN] for consideration for the Writer of the Week. May the force be with you.

Milan Milankovic
Milan Milankovic Tag 1,910, 15:23

Very funny!

Marxus
Marxus Tag 1,910, 15:24

I was certain this news of COT meant I had a place to take a nap during work!

Kishvier
Kishvier Tag 1,910, 15:32

Great work as always, Paul.

FirstLaw
FirstLaw Tag 1,910, 16:00

Yumm! That's good satire!

Malarkey83
Malarkey83 Tag 1,910, 19:36

Haha...great article Paul

stewy
stewy Tag 1,910, 19:39

wth have i been sleeping on then..

Mystela
Mystela Tag 1,910, 20:39

I love when you write like this. o/

Talostastic
Talostastic Tag 1,910, 22:00

Voted for the title, commented for the content.

ligtreb
ligtreb Tag 1,911, 00:15

No way.

Jefferson Locke
Jefferson Locke Tag 1,911, 04:30

Love me some Blue Monday!

Renzo Gamer
Renzo Gamer Tag 1,911, 04:49

Hilarious, Voted & Subbed!

beerman616
beerman616 Tag 1,911, 05:40

I need a nap.

bobok12345678
bobok12345678 Tag 1,911, 07:06

sell the key to bitdefender internet security 2013 for a 1 year

fingerguns
fingerguns Tag 1,911, 10:25

If this doesn't win article of the week, then why do we even play?

Alastor DoUrden
Alastor DoUrden Tag 1,911, 14:12

This is a great article

Kemal Ergenekon
Kemal Ergenekon Tag 1,911, 16:52

v s

Darian Dracona
Darian Dracona Tag 1,911, 17:37

v s lol'd to death... great read

Gulitiwi
Gulitiwi Tag 1,911, 17:56

voted!

Raven Anarcho
Raven Anarcho Tag 1,914, 20:57

v

 
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