Join the new world

Many apologies Little Timmy, but there is one last thing I have to do and – seeing as I'm on a 6 ½ hour train journey, please allow me to indulge you in a mind numbing tale.

As the nights draw ever closer and colder after the Hot Summer and my legacy rightfully left in tatters I decided it was time to collect my pension and retire.
I left Overloaf in charge, told him to only open battles upon a whim – as most CPs seemingly do – and simply blame WookieO when things inevitably go wrong.

After this I boarded HMS Thunder C*nt with suitcases stuffed full of the eUK's cash and set sail toward the eUK's long forgotten colony of eAntarctica to live out the rest of my days in tranquility and peace. Oh to roam the bluest oceans that Mother Earth has to offer, fishing for supper and throwing plastic chairs at foreign Antarctic expeditions...I feel I've earned this down time.




Alas, the devil will make work for idle hands to do.

Not long after weighing anchor news came through on the eWorld Service that back home Overloaf had left the back door of No. 10 open when he nipped out the take a sh*t in the back garden (he's still not quite house trained) and meanwhile a nutter proclaiming himself to be 'King William' dashed in and tried seizing the broken milking stool mighty throne of the eUK as his own!

Upon hearing this disturbing news I raised an army of penguins, buried the cash in the snow, hoisted up the anchor and set a course for the eUK elections.



The harrowing experience of the Usurper William rearing his head once more brought back memories of my time in The Brotherhood of Spam and subsequent enlisting in “The Knights of the Round Table Who Eat Ham and Jam and Spam-a-lot”.

During the adoubement I knelt in the ritual bowl of custard and as Sir Horice G Fossil taped upon my shoulders the Holy Cushion With Really Pointy Corners I swore a sacred oath.



Though he shies away from the glare of the public spotlight these days Woldy is one of the most decent chaps one could ever hope to encounter in this sordid little game of ours and it's down to him I survived my first few weeks in the eUK (don't hold that against him!). He is a true King amongst men, the Usurper William is a mere Prince amongst thieves.

Whether it be marriage or defending a ficticious King in an online browser based game, I take my vowels very seriously and though almost six years have passed, so long as there is breath Woldy's eBody, I will honour them.

Bob Save the King!



It may seem somewhat pointless getting involved when The Grand Old Duke Huey marches toward an inevitable victory against the Usurper William, but even the most humble student of history will know that just because a battle has been lost does not mean the war is over.

Indeed this isn't William's first attempt and once upon a time he even managed to seize 'the throne' and get his grubby paws on the sacred buttons following Appleby The Unimpeachable's...well..impeachment.

At the time I was jumping from one foot to the other clapping like a derranged monkey for surely this was going to bring us a grand feast of entertainment. After all, the Usurper William had spent the entirety of his life in the eUK building up to this very moment, inexorably we were in for a hell of a ride!

What transpired was a brief period as titillating as flicking through another person's holiday photos.

He dressed as a clown but come the opening performance he played it rigidly straight. His crown was made from empty promises and his Empire built of dirt. Even his most ardent supporters would have felt betrayed back then.



There is little doubt in my mind that someone as capable and well liked as Huey will not suffer the ignomy of an impeachment through any fault in the way he runs the eUK, this isn't his first rodeo. However one never knows what life might throw at us.

I make this point because had there been a viable alternative candidate I would have immediately called for an impeachment of myself a couple of weeks ago. This is entirely down to a RL matter rather than anything in game, in fact the lunacy of eRep and its inhabitants has more often than not raised a smile upon my face.

It does however make me wonder if there should always be a back-up plan. More frequently than ever before we've had one horse races – which I detest because I relish a challenge – but that leaves absolutely no alternative should the sh*t hit the fan either in game or real life.

...That's the reason I'm here once again and the role I'm seeking to play in the pantomine that is the eUK after the election.

To try and beat the Usurper William back into third place and deny him any claim to the throne in the name of the one true King, Woldy the Ravenous. To be there as Get Out of Jail Free card should the need arise and also...because f*ck me it's an election it's getting bloody boring not having any sort of sabre rattling.

My demands should I win the silver medal are simple and are as follows:

1) The Usurper William of New Age accepts he has no rightful claim to the monarchy of the eUK. If he does not then I will chop his head and hands off and mount them outside Spamican HQ as a warning to others.

2) I be granted 1 acre of land upon which to try mating the Penguins of eAntarctica with my chickens (I'm thinking really big eggs with a slightly salty taste) and a guarantee from Huey that the authorites not get involved if I get involved so to speak.

3) More fish for the penguins of eAntarctica.




Unfortunatly it turns out Penguins can't vote in the eUK election cos eRep is well racist and sh*t. So if there are a couple of lads still willing to chuck us a vote please do so. For the aforementioned reasons I think second place is a good place to be blablabla

Hugs n Kisses
Chaz xxx