Zombies

Day 620, 00:02 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by BaronChris

I have been sitting here for half an hour now seeing how many skittles I can potentially shove in two nostrils, and have decided that I need to do something productive. I could mow the lawn, clear some of the random, askew paper that lies defeaten round my desk. Alot like one of those zombie movies, where somehow three people with cocktail sticks defeat a horde of undead. That's not beleiveable. Hang on...nor is... Oh forget I said anything.

I like the zombie genre, even though it is highly homogenous, and the main character, excluding perhaps Resident Evil, is an absolute wimp; who's only defense against zombies would probably be pissing himself and then the zombie slipping over. Take for example the new 'Diary of the Dead' movie. The shear mediocrity of it. It was like cloverfield, where it's filmed by some random berk who stands around picking his nose when zombies arrive. I mean, why would you even begin to think of being the next George Lucas in those situations; seeing that most of the population will have less brains than the British Nationalist Party after the zombies have finished with them!

Though, the older films weren't any better. The one thing that always got me, was why the Living Dead always had a sort of bad neck cramp? And somehow they start using guns in Night of the Living Dead... Though it is still a good film. I'm sad like that and have made a plan for 'Z-Day'. Well, you could either hide out in a huge shopping centre. It worked in the game 'Dead Rising' and the film 'Dawn of the Dead'. Plus I could get nice and plump in there. I won't go into huge detail of my plans, but it goes along the lines of- Other People. Gun. Fortress.

I mean I was scorned by a fat man in a video shop the other day. I mean a really fat man. The kind who you would mistake for a prop in the first few minutes of the 'Indiana Jones: The Raiders of the Lost Ark' movie. He starts telling me 28 Days/Weeks Later aren't zombie films, that in fact they are simply infected with a 'rage' virus. "Ah yes," I remember saying to Colin from Blockbuster Orpington, "A rage virus makes it all different, and much much much more believeable." Idiot. I soon told him to go eat the movie in question and swiftly exited the shop, as if pursued by a ravenous bear who wished to eat me. I wasn't far off with Colin.

Though like life, none of us would survive for a great amount of time in a zombie invasion. For although we may have a typing speed of over 80 words a minute; we failed to spend ample amounts of time in the gym to give us the ability to run, climb and crawl our ways to safety. Some would say that it is already determined what's going to happen to us. Fate is like an angry autistic child smashing at a keyboard, who is on an IV of sherbet.

I haven't had sherbet for a long time. I'm off to the shops.

I'd also like to add, a thanks to the BEP party for funding my latest campaign. More than what my party were prepared to do *Insinuation*.

Baron Chris
www.baronchris.blogspot.com