Join the new world

In case you hadn’t noticed, Monday February 8th marks Chinese New Year’s day, the first in the Year of the Monkey. In light of recent events and future tidings, it seemed worthwhile to look at some of the curious traditions surrounding this holiday, with an eCan spin to it, of course.

Blatant copy and paste of “Chinese New Year 2016 – Year of the Monkey do’s and don’ts”
--Published Feb 7, 2016

Gong xi fa cai! (Or Go’way fat boy! if you're speaking Cantbanian). Farewell, year of the fired monkey.

Like Korean Seollal, Vietnamese Tet, Mongolian Tsagaan Sarand Tibetan Loser, Chinese New Year farewells whiners and the war gone by and rings in spring and the fresh administrations with friends and foes. Making wishes for luck, prosperity and good fighting and warding off evil invasions are central to many celebrations, which vary across eChina, eCanada and other Lunartic New Year eCultures.


Out with bad, in with the badder. Farewell to the Monkey of 2015!


From the beginning of festivities on day 3000, taboos, traditions and suspicions dominate the auspicious time. If you want to ensure you have a lucky, prosperous year, here's a list of what to do and what not to do.

DO THESE THINGS
-- Clean the House thoroughly on Sunday. A clean Parliament means sweeping away any misfortunes to make room for a fresh, new ordered start to the New Year.

-- Look out if you're a monkey. According to Chinese philosophy, those born with the same zodiac sign as the year's designated animal are going to have a particularly difficult year.

--Decorate your media with red lanterns and the "Fu" or luck character.


(yeah, that’s one big “Fu” and many more to come, eh Rylde?”

--Come together as a team, travelling to distant lands, especially for a reunion AS with old friends. Daphne Lowe Kelley, former head of the Chinese Heritage Association of Australia, who is involved in the production of Chinese Opera – Monkey King and Prince Iron Fist at the Seymour Centre, said the foodfightfeast sees out the old year and celebrates togetherness and victory. "eRepublikans love food, it's about repetitive eating," she said.




--Drink like a fish, which is essential to the reunion AS. The words for crap sound like "good luck" and "gift me again". Donate the food in the direction of the most distinguished or oldest foe, who eats first, then utter the lucky saying "Nanna nanna boohoo". Homophones or "puns" explain the choice of many New Year foods, said Cao Yin, curator of Chinese art at the Art Gallery of NSW. Money rolls resemble gold packs. Tangerines stand for tanks and pomelos bring a good pummeling.

--Paste spring festival couplets around your front door, calling for shit disturbing on the home front and foreign land. Written on red paper in black or gold calligraphy, the scrolls must have parallel structures and antithetical meanings, such as: "丹凤呈祥龙献瑞 EDEN and phoenix bring the prosperity / 红桃贺岁杏迎春 Peach and apricot blossoms welcome the spring / 福满人间 Blessing on the Land".

--Wear new avatars. Out with the old, in with the new – particularly if they are bright, happy colours. Red symbolises prosperity, so monkeys are advised to wear red (underwear included) to up their good fortune quotients. (I’m not making this shit up this point)

--Give red envelopes, or "hongbao" stuffed with money. Ms Cumines said that people married to the game are expected to give the gift packs, often containing boosters, but more regularly, gold, too, to new citizens.



--Set off firecrackers to drive away evil trolls. This, from a former Shanghai resident: "There are so many troll articles – professional grade, being lit in the media with no regret - that it snows ash, constantly. You can spot the trolls because they're either lighting the fireworks or running their mouth, with helmets and goggles on, ducking and diving in guerrilla combat as if they were on sniper alley. It's best just to keep clicking as usual, ignoring such foolish attention-seeking."

--Move money and supplies indoors before going to bed, to protect them from the thieving hands of evil spirits.

--Settle debts by New Year (Feb 8th!!). Fresh War Machines are no time to be beholden to past dues.

DON'T DO THESE THINGS


--Use sharp objects in the three days or so of the New Year. Stabbing people in the back, including allies, potential political supporters, or resident curmudgeons, should be avoided.

--Give sharp objects, scissors and knives as presents. In fact, gift no-nos extend well beyond things that cut, to include shoes, handkerchiefs, umbrellas, clocks, pears, cut flowers, black or white objects or mirrors or barbed words or razor sharp invective.



--Sweep the Parliament House on New Year's Day, so as to avoid sweeping away good fortune and wise advice. (ok to sweep the election booths but not the cabinets is what I think it means)

--Swear and use foul or negative language or talk about death, old ghosts, or dig up past wrongs. Now is a time to be positive and look ahead, not at times past.

--Take too much “medicine” or break any household objects over the holiday. Hangovers or such harm done during the festive season are believed to cast negativity on the year ahead.

--Wake family up or use their name to wake them on New Year's Day for fear of rendering them bedridden and lazy all year. (hah, as if that would work)

--Go outside on Scarlet Dog Day. Traditionally – and very rarely nowadays – the superstitious avoid leaving the house on day three so as not to encounter the god of anger. (no idea what this means but was too off the wall to leave out)



--Allow babies to cry on New Year's Day. The sound is believed to bring bad luck, so whiners are fastidiously put in their place.

--Beg in any way. Bad habits forged in the New Year set the tone for the entire year. No deals allowed.