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This article has been recovered after being destroyed in a freak fire accident at the Northern Cape offices of the Ware Naboom in Kimberley. Our apologies for any inconveniences caused.



On some occasions I mentioned in passing that gold doesn't generally buy eHappiness (and thank Gordon Bennett that eHappiness was removed 😁), but the lack of it can buy absolute misery.

This, by the way, is not just my personal observation. It is the conclusion of some of the most respected eHappiness researchers. Gold supplies a lot of the tackle we like to pad our Q3 homes with, but Q3 homes aren't everybody's idea of eHappiness. (On the plus side, gold hunting might create plenty of stress, but the Q3 home is a great place to practice stress relief techniques).

We accumulate stress because we have to pay attention to gold more when we lack it, than when we have it. This doesn't seem fair, but eAdmins work in mysterious ways. Most people are eNvested in the market place, either directly or through eSocieties, ePension plans, ePyramid groups and dare I say it... ePonzi schemes or the like. So it is hard not to be part of the Panic Crowd. But I, in all my eRepublik wisdom, have two golden rules to offer. These may not make you rich, but they will keep your hidden eHappiness at a decent level, or at least add to same said hidden eHappiness.

Number One: Place your eNvestments in the safest plans possible (Do as I say, not as I do!) and forget about them. This is one of the best stress relief techniques an eR citizen can follow. When the next recession ends, take inventory and see that you still have eNvestments. Most of us don't get a rush out of watching our eNvestments plunge or yo-yo up and down. Most eR citizens improve eHappiness when they forget they even have eNvestments.

Number Two: If you are one of those eR citizens with a terminal case of Itchy Trading Finger, then you probably would not improve your eHappiness when you ignore your eNvestments. Place aside what you need for the long term, such as retirement - if your Q3 food lasts that long. Don't play with your gold. Don't touch it. Trade only with "extra" gold. The rest of you are asking, "What is 'extra gold'?", but Itchy Trading Fingers know what I'm talking about. They view eNvestment as a sport. I said, "Don't touch it!"

eNvestment is more of a sport than hunting

In fact, eNvestment is a sport. Much more than, say, hunting. Think about it. In a sport, two equal opponents square off against one another. "Let the best one win." Each faces the same challenges. Each is armed with the same weapons. Each has an equal chance of feeling the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. "Unless, of course, you happen to be a Bull supporter after the Bulls had lost to the Reds" ~ Editor

Imagine the slo-mo-replay if hunting truly was a sport

Hugh Bladen: "The eR citizen is closing in. He tenses his Q3 rifle He's coming up from behind and rounding to the offside. He's raising his Q3 rifle. Springbok doesn't even appear to give notice. Oh, I can't watch. This is going to be a massacre. Wait! Springbok has just bolted up and twisted up onto his hind legs. He spins around some fynbos, and - look! Springbok has a Q3 rifle too. He aims. He shoots! He kills!!! The eR citizen is down. What an upset, ladies and gentlemen."

In real life, Springbok doesn't win very often. In fact, I estimate that the average eR citizen is about 4.3 brazillian times more likely to be defeated by his own teammate than by the opposition. We call this "friendly fire", and is part of every eR citizen's personal eHappiness. If only Springbok would get himself some gear and supplies, such as some Q3 rifles or Q5 tanks, or maybe an intergalactic Q5 warship armed with a moerse klomp flying robot springbok. "Not the traffic lights you twit, actual robots!" ~ Editor

Compare this against Itchy Trading Finger, who stands a fair chance of striking gold (joy!) or of moving into an empty bulk Q1 food container on a Limpopo street corner (devastation). The eNvestment market truly is a sport, and it supplies countless days of nail-biting, finger-chewing, hand-gnawing, biltong-munching entertainment for its stress-loving fans. Which is why it is so important to put aside - in safe, secure eNvestments - the gold you need for your future. That way, when Itchy Trading Fingers retire, they can move out of their respective bulk Q1 food containers.

For the rest of us, we are happier getting our sport by watching eR citizens trolling Ajay (just had a small international upsurge of that this week!). It's not over until the fat lady sings... Oops! There I go again, mixing my sports and my metaphors, not to mention ignoring several regulations stipulated by the South African Bureau of Standards for eRepublik news articles.

May your eNvestments be safer than my trolling friends, and may you sleep well this eNight.

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~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use