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Top Ten Reasons For Being French

1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat disgusting food like snails and frogs legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street, humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just piss in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even though you're not.

Top Ten Reasons For Being German
1.
2.
3.
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6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Built-in sense of pacifism.

Give them a second chance :
1. Oktoberfest.
2. Oktoberfest-beer.
3. BMW.
4. VW.
5. Audi.
6. Mercedes.
7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that would bring you to jail
in any other country of the world.
8. You do not have to learn German as a foreign language.
9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious.
10. Contrary to common belief laughing is not forbidden by law (yet).

Top Ten Reasons For Being Italian
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history, -- well, till about 400 A.D.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Spanish
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes
and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands' War.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Portuguese:

1. Everyone thinks you're speaking Russian.
2. Noboday wants to learn Portuguese.
3. Everyone thinks you live in a Spanish province.
4. You can brag to have been the first "civilised" nation to engage in the slave trade.
5. You can brag to have been the first "civilised" nation to abolish the slave trade.
6. Your first King was French, his first alliance was with an English King and their first enemy was a Spanish King.
7. The only sport you are good at is running...its also the cheapest.
8. Paris, as the second largest portuguese speaking city in the world has become a suburb of Lisbon.
9. You spend a life working abroad saving money that you afraid of spending.
10. Commit any crime in Portugal and you are guaranteed to get the lightest sentence in the world.

Top Ten Reasons For Being American
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still hold elected office.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy."
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth, when you're not at all.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Canadian
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge frigging shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

Top Ten Reasons For Being English
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week -- whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh.
11. Or Scottish.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Scottish :
1. You ain't English!
2. You ain't English!
3. You ain't English!
4. You ain't English!
5. You ain't English!
6. You ain't English!
7. You ain't English!
8. You ain't English!
9. You ain't English!
10. You ain't English!

Top Ten Reasons For Being Irish
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children to a family.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex using a condom.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Welsh
1. Very funny.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Polish
1. Now you've really got to be having a laugh.

(Ok, yet, another chance)
1. If you have a nice car you need army to keep it from being stolen.
2. Girls
3. More corrupt politicians than in Latin America.
4. Military invasion from the east or west every century is guaranteed.
5. Germans and Russians want your land but not you.
6. You can claim that you are military super power comparing with Africa but you are in Europe.
7. If you need a nice car you can go to Germany and steal it, then it will be stolen from you in Poland by some Russian.
8. You can earn living by smuggling cigarettes to Germany.
9. You can drink vodka better than anyone else except Russians.
10. You made revolution to kick out communist just so you can put them back in power 10 years later.

ps 11. If you have a lot of money you can drive as fast as you can and pay off corrupt police.

Top Ten Reasons for Being Czech
1. No stigma to being a Bohemian
2. We had the original I, Robot
3. Millions of people asking one another every day: "Would you take a Czech?"
4. Smoking is bars and restaurants is mandatory!
5. Unemployment benefits include free Kolaches for the first 8 weeks
6. Three words: Good King Wenceslas
7. Czech Republic is so far away from the States that Oprah looks like a tiny pink dot with a wig
8. Czechs are polite: Germans gave us Heydrich; we gave him back
9. Czech language listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the having the strangest and most difficult sound anywhere - the famous
10. Czechs are trendsetters: the fall of the Wall started here!

Top Ten Reasons For Being Russian.
1. Everyone hates you.
2. You live in the largest nation on earth but half of it is ice.
3. Russian mafia.
4. You can drink better than anyone else, even Poles.
5. Every one hates you.
6. You can be send for summer vacation to Siberian gulag.
7. You pioneered communism.
8. Oil, gas, gold, forest.
9. Live ammo shooting area (Chechnya)
10. Every one hates you.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Ukrainian.
1 Everyone thinks that you are Russian,
2 Russians think you are misguided Russians.
3 You can claim that you are richer than Albania and Moldavia.
4. 50% unemployment.
5 You are not Russian
6 You are not Polish
7.You do not know what you are.
8.You can smuggle everything to Poland and back to make a living.
9. You can have all teeth made out of gold and no one will think it strange.
10.You are not Russian.

Top Ten Reasons For Being A Serb
1. You are not a Croat.
2. Basketball team.
3. You can choose between several war criminals in Presidential elections.
4. You can enjoy the positive media coverage of your country when abroad.
5. You can fight 600 year-old battles against the Turks and their domestic collaborators, be convinced that it's happening right now, and not be entirely wrong.
6. You can always go to Greece and Cyprus and fear nothing.
7. Grilled meat and slivovitz.
8. You get to drink slivovitz and eat grilled meat even when under economic sanctions.
9. You are the only European country which will be bombed by NATO.
10. Every now and then you get to fly to the Hague at someone else's expense.

Top Ten Reasons For Being A Croat:
1. You're not a Serb
2. Soccer team.
3. You get to pretend that your language is different from Serbian, although it's really not.
4. Dubrovnik.
5. You get to dream about independent Croatia.
6. Every now and then you get to sing &quot😉anke, Danke, Deutschland," and continue to dream about independent Croatia.
7. You have a thousand-year culture of which no one has heard.
8. You have a democratically elected President who is not ashamed of being a Croat.
9. The glorious World War Two past.
10. You have a thousand-year culture....


Top Ten Reasons For Being Bosnian:
1. You can get asylum anywhere except in Serbia.
2. You can pretend that your state exists.
3. Kebab.
4. You can pretend that Sarajevo is a really cosmopolitan European city when you know that it is not.
5. Great kebab.
6. You can be visited by Francois Mitterand, Bernard Henry-Levy, Susan Sontag, and Bill Clinton and it still doesn't make a difference.
7. Free round-trip to any Moslem country.
8. You get to be bombed by a psychiatrist.
9. You can fly your flag in the UN but nowhere else.
10. Foreigners give you money and don't ask any questions.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Slovenian.
1. You can speak the beautiful Slovene language and know that no one cares except you.
2. You can feel superior to all former Yugoslavs.
3. You can drink after work.
4. You can pretend to live on the "sunny side of the Alps," although you know it's not that sunny.
5. You can pretend that you are as good as any German while secretly enjoying the fact that you are a Slav.
6. Good relations with Italy and Austria.
7. You can afford to be Yugo-nostalgic.
8. You can marry a Slovene and have Slovene children who speak Slovene.
9. You don't have to be ashamed when abroad.
10. No one bothers you because no one really cares.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Macedonian.
1. You can call yourself Macedonian and not get killed by a Bulgarian, Greek, Serb or Albanian.
2. Fresh tomatoes, watermelon and tobacco.
3. You can pretend you are a descendant of Alexander the Great and piss off the Greeks.
4. You get to be sad and suffer while listening to folk music.
5. Good relations with your neighbors, especially Greeks and Albanians.
6. American soldiers on your territory.
7. You get to call your country The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.
8. Fresh tomatoes, watermelon, and tobacco.
9. You can successfully pretend your language is not Bulgarian.
10. Everyone is interested in the stability of your country except your neighbors.


Top Ten Reasons For Being Montenegrin.
1. You can be proud of your heroic past and not being conquered by the Turks for 500 years.
2. You can sing epic songs about your heroic past and not being conquered by the Turks for 500 years.
3. You can think of Russia as your Mother, although Russia does not know you are her son.
4. You can combine orthodoxy with Stalinism with love of Russia and still think that you are better and more progressive than the Serbs.
5. Goat cheese, grilled lamb, and grappa.
6. You get to kill at least one person in a vendetta and defend your honor.
7. If you are a woman you can kill your husband and everyone knows why you did it.
8. You can smuggle cigarettes to Italy and live like a king.
9. You don't have to work even when you have to.
10. You don't have to work....


Top Ten Reasons For Being Albanian.
1. You can always swim to Italy.
2. You can choose between a president who stole your whole income, one who killed all your relatives, or go fight the Serbs in Kosovo.
3. You can be proud of being from "the land of the eagle."
4. You can always swim to Italy.
5. You can take weapons from any army garrison and defend your honor.
6. You can get killed in a vendetta and be remembered as the hero of the family.
7. You get to be called the poorest country in Europe.
8. You can live in the ecologically cleanest country in Europe.
9. You can still swim to Italy
10. You are proud of being "from the land of the eagle."

Top Ten Reasons For Being A Yugoslav.
1. You can be proud that you are neither a Serb, nor a Croat, nor a Slovene, nor a Bosnian, nor a Macedonian, nor Montenegrin, nor an Albanian, although you are one or more of the above.
2. You don't have to feel bad about being "Yugo-nostalgic."
3. You can have a husband/wife from any part of Yugoslavia and still feel like the country never fell apart, especially if you are abroad.
4. You get to listen to Serbian, Croatian, Bosnian, Slovenian, Macedonian, Montenegrin, and even Albanian music and feel that it's quite OK.
5. You don't have to be ashamed of your Titoist past.
6. You can sing Partisan songs from World War Two or rock-and-roll from the 1980's.
7. You get to be cosmopolitan and spit on all the nationalists.
8. You get to be researched by foreign sociologists interested in your identity.
9. You are invited to speak about Yugoslavia at conferences abroad.
10. You are a good candidate for a Soros stipend.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Greek :
1. You get to shout about your culture although the only real culture most Greeks have is what is growing between their toes.
2. The police is even more corrupt than the criminals they are supposed to be chasing.
3. You can blow your nose in the street by pinching it between the thumb and forefinger and trumpeting forth without everyone around wretching their stomach contents up at the sight.
4. Old women can sport moustaches.
5. Young women can sport moustaches.
6. Men can be hairier than the average grizzly bear and not get put in a zoo.
7. You get to call the bouzouki a musical instrument when the rest of the world sees it as an instrument of torture.
8. You are the only nation to have lost its marbles and still wants to let everyone else around the world know about it
9. Ridiculous bureaucracy.
10. Nana Mouskouri and Demis Roussos.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Romanian
1. your tongue is the most latin of slavic languages, the one adam spoke
2. you never fought a war against the serbs, you never noticed it
3. your friendliest neighbour is belgrade, the capital of the black sea
4. and the rest is hungary
5. russia shares a border with god, you share one with russia
6. gypsies tell you that, if they weren't around, you'd come in last
7. you discover that until now it's been the past
8. you kinda
9. the war is not supposed to end until you've tried both sides
10. you know it's not enough that you've been born

Top Ten Reasons For Being Israeli
1. Get to speak a language no one else in the world can understand.
2. Can party down while crazy Arabs bomb cities.
3. Public transportation.
4. Great homesteading opportunities.
5. Has the US snookered into believing they are allies.
6. Beautiful population of Unibrows.
7. Right to carry fully automatic weapons.
8. Smelly tourists.
9. No restrictive catholic edicts.
10. No change lying around.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Indian
1. Chicken Madras
2. Lamb Passanda
3. Onion Bhaji
4. Bombay Potato
5. Chicken Tikka Masala
6. Rogan Josh
7. Pappadoms
8. Chicken Dopiaza
9. Meat Poona
10. Kingfisher lager

Top Ten Reasons For Being Australian
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Foster's Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket, even though you don't understand the rules either.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

Top Ten Reasons For Being a Kiwi:
1. Get to shag chics that resemble Jonah Lomu in a frock.
2. Beer.
3. Rugby.
4. See above.
5. See above.
6. See above.
7. See above.
8. See above.
9. See above.
10. Hate everyone else ......unless it's their round.

Top Ten Reasons For Being South African
1. Being able to win the world cup rugby the first time you enter the competition.
2. Get to eat raw dried meat and call it a treat.
3. Stable and politically safe economy.
4. Thinking that Gays only live outside the country.
5. Having a flag which looks more like Joseph's Technicolor dream coat
6. Having 11 official languages and only being able to speak one
7. Having an ex convict as your president.
8. Having one of the most honest postal services in the world.
9. Being able to charge tourists to visit areas of unrest
10. You can drive drunk

Top Ten Reasons For Being Dutch:
1. You can smoke dope legally.
2. You can have sex with a prostitute legally.
3. You can be a prostitute legally.
4. You can be completely offensive to everyone and explain that it's just the famous Dutch "straightforwardness".
5. You can go abroad and take the piss out of everyone else in Dutch and they won't understand you, except in Belgium where they're too stupid to understand you.
6. You can live in a country so far under sea level, you get the bends when leaving.
7. You have automatic immunity from any law while riding a bicycle, including most laws of physics and logic.
8. Tall Blondes.
9. You can have sex with a tall blonde prostitute while smoking dope.
10. You can spend half your life outside Holland telling everyone how in The Netherlands you can have sex with a tall blonde prostitute while smoking dope, but you never have, because that's just for tourists.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Belgian :
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do it in your
country.
3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
4. You are either
a.like the Dutch, just less efficient
b.like the French, just less romantic
c.like the Germans
5. Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer.
6. No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French and
they make fun of you.
7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares
9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders
10. Face it. It's not really a country, is it?

Top Ten Reasons For Being Norwegian :
1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer.
3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour
ozone-hole radiation the other half.
4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope.
5. You can go skiing in your knickers.
6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football.
7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
8. You don't need to worry about land prices rocketing - its fairly spacious.
9. When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about
killing polar bears and shagging penguins - and they believe you.
10. You can actually get bored with blondes.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Finnish:
1. You can speak lots of different languages (when drunk)
2. You can smile and be happy and express yourself (when drunk)
3. The national sport of Grill Queue bare-fist fighting (when drunk)
4. In a crisis you can go for your lunch and leave it till later
5. Your able to keep drinking even if comatose
6. You can sell and drink aircraft fuel (and label it as Finlandia Vodka)
7. Only nation where you can get served in a bar even if you're too drunk to stand up beside it
8. You can get extremely angry, or ecstatically happy without the use of any facial expressions or change in tone of voice whatsoever
9. You get to eat Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's cousins (you bastards, ...)
10. For recreation, you can enjoy sitting in a room full of burning steam, whilst hitting oneself with tree branches

Top Ten Reasons For Being Mexican:

1. Nachos.
2. Tacos.
3. Burritos.
4. Fajitas.
5. Quesadillas.
6. Tamales.
7. Chimichangas.
8. Rellenos.
9. Flautas.
10. Corona.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Chinese
1. You can eat with chopsticks and laugh at other nationalities who can't even use them properly.
2. Gambling is part of the culture.
3. Crispy Wonton
4. You go a beautiful brown colour when you sunbathe...
5. You KNOW you are the greatest nation on Earth.
6. You can eat ANYTHING! Anything that moves.
7. And whilst you eat anything, you can make sucky noises, chew & talk with your mouth open and then spit the bones onto the floor.
8. You can impress your friends with your latest model of mobile phone.
9. You can ask everyone how much salary they earn, how much is their rent and other personal financial questions.
10. There's just so MANY of us....