This Headless Chicken is dead

Day 2,500, 05:22 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Mr Woldy


A customer enters a pet shop.

Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

C: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

O: We're closin' for lunch.

C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Headless Chicken what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Romanian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead Headless Chicken when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Romanian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful ambient setting!

C: The ambience don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

(shouting at the cage)

'Ello, Mister Plato! I've got a lovely fresh american express card for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

O: There, he moved!

C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

O: I never!!

C: Yes, you did!

O: I never, never did anything...

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO PLATO!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes Headless Chicken out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

C: Now that's what I call a dead Headless Chicken.

O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Romanian Blues stun easily, major.

C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Headless Chicken is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged battle between Serbia and Croatia.

O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably doing maintenance.

C: DOING MAINTENANCE?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

O: The Romanian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Headless chicken when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

O: No no! 'E's doing maintenance!

C: 'E's not doing maintenance'! 'E's passed on! This Headless Chicken is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-HEADLESS CHICKEN!!

(pause)

O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.



Yo!

Where everyone at? Has the end of summer left everyone feeling bleak and empty, and has erepublik now lost it's ability to fill the vacuous lives of those who sought it's comfort in adding some sort of value and achievement to an otherwise mundane world?

No, but the new war module has! I fought the other day, briefly. Seemed to do more damage than I recall, and it was nice seeing someone pop up beside me to do (what looked like) nothing. The new format reminds me of 8 bit arcade games designed to convince you that you're doing a lot more than you actually are.

So, Wayne left, the eWorld cried a little, and activity slumped, now the war module has popped up, and it takes all of 4 votes to get into the top 5? I for one have lost a lot of interest in eRep, and have been two clicking for a while. The only reason I wrote this was to block little BigAnt from getting into the top 5!

Hope ya'll having fun in the real world!

Peace out~
Mr Woldy.






Young achivers:
To any player requesting a welcome ingame (via PM): 15 Q7 Guns + 20 Q5 Foods
To any player who posts on the forum threa😛 10 Q7 Guns + 20 Q5 Foods
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To apply for the ‘Woldy’s Young Achievers’ Scheme, message me or simply pop your name in this thread on our external forums:
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As part of the Royal Writers, every player under level 25 who releases an article with at least a paragraph of decent content, whether it be political, humorous, or informative, will receive 150 GBP. Any writer under level 30 who gets an article into the top 5, will receive 300 GBP. Message me for your prize.


P.S. Wtf is a publishing fee, way to fix the media module guys