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Pot pourri

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"If ants are such busy workers, how come they find time to go
to all the picnics?"

-- Marie Dressler

Jokes

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Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station, so she
could go visit her sister, who was ill. Ten minutes later, My
sister arrived by train -- so that she could help with the house
and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone.

On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse -- my sister departing
by train, only 10 minutes prior to my wife's arrival.

One Friday evening -- after my sister left and while I awaited my
wife's arrival -- a porter sauntered over to me. "Mister," he
remarked, "you sure have some system going! But one of these
days you're goin' ta get caught!"

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Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me,
excitedly, "Did you win, Dad?"

I have explained to him, time and time again, that you're really
just playing against yourself. Plus, of course, the natural terrain
of the golf course.

While we were on vacation, I had gone out to play a round. When I
returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was full
of kids, surrounded by dozens of parents.

From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled out,
"Hey Dad! Did you have fun playing with yourself?"

We checked out that night!

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A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down,
ordering, and some chit chat, the priest asked, "Have you noticed
there are no women in this bar?"

He then realized the truth. "I think we're in a GAY bar!"

Just about that time, a man approached and tried to flirt with the
priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do.

However, the minister leaned over and whispered something in the
man's ear. The man nodded and walked off.

The relieved priest asked, "Thanks. What did you tell him?"

The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon."

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Of course, I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert opinion!