The Weekend Chuckle

Day 3,539, 06:18 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Nights0ul

Hi,

Pot pourri


"Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches."

-- the Duchess of Windsor, when asked what is the secret of a long
and happy life

Jokes

To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused from
jury duty. “Tell me,” began the judge, "is there any good reason why
you cannot serve as a juror in the trial?"

The man replied, "I don't want to be away from my job that long."

"Can't they do without you at work?" demanded the judge.

"Yes," admitted the juror. "But I don't want them to realize it."

Actual Comments by Football Commentators:

1. "Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this
way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win."

2. " He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long."

3. "And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record."

4. "With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header."

5. "Well, it’s a fabulous kaleidoscope of color: almost all the
Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

6. "If that had gone in, it would definitely have been a goal."

7. "Their manager isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may
be elsewhere."

8. "I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need
to score two to win."

9. "If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead."

10. "You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but
there were eight."

My friend John, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans.
But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition
game at Coors Field. in Denver.

After a long search for a place to change clothes, John finally located
a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only."

As he was about to go in, however, he noticed something else below the
sign: presumably the same message... written in Braille!

I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.