The true reason of the Dutch-Belgian War.
Day 1,571, 07:38
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Published in Belgium 
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by
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by Boklevski
The true reason of the Dutch-Belgian War.
eNetherlands and eBelgium are officially in war. Now, you might be wondering how it came to this?
DISCLAIMER: Although I have a really good feeling that it happened as described below, all discussions are pure fictional and a caricature of the persons involved. No comment can therefore be held against them. All ranks are based on in-game ranks or government position, so they do not necessarily reflect the (military) hierarchy. If you are upset by whatever your personage said or did in the article, I don’t really care. I know you all too well… you can’t really be angry with me anyway, can you?
In the Dutch HQ, just after the elections.
[Applauding for the new CP]
Country President Auggustus: “Yes, I know I’m legendary. Now, sh*t up. The people want war with eBelgium, as they were fully behind my plans and have chosen me as their leader in large majority.”
Minister of Foreign Affairs Van Spijck: “Dude, don’t get ahead of yourself, you had just 6% more votes. Besides, declaring war would really hurt our relations with eBelgium, while they have just returned that 300 gold.”
National Force* AndreasIsaksson: “Yes, yes… that’s all true… so what? I need my Battle Hero and Campaign Hero medals!”
Chief of Staff ArtemIvanov: “We shouldn’t just attack. It’ll make us look bad, we need a reason.”
NF* AndreasIsaksson: “Are you disagreeing with me again? That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m quitting this game.”
[AndreasIsaksson walks away and slams the door]
CP Auggustus: “Artem, we tried to get a reason. We set up that whole national treasury scheme, in the hopes that eBelgium wouldn’t donate back the funds so we could attack. But those @**es did. I mean, if they won’t allow us any tiny reason to attack, we’ll just attack without a reason. By the way, where’s my advisor Garmr?”
Vice-CP Mattio: “Garmr just called and excused himself. Said something about having a headache and waking up in a place he didn’t recognize. Anyway, can’t we use as a reason that we just want their beer because it tastes so much better than Heineken?”
CP Auggustus: “Of course not! We know their beer is better. They know we know their beer is better. But we’ll remain too stubborn to admit that in public! No, invading without a reason it is.”
Minister of Defence Joep O: “I think we have a chance in a war. However, eBelgium might take this personal, and – out of principle – fight us with all their military power.”
[Laughing]
MoD Joep O: “Hahaha… yeah, I thought that was a pretty good one myself as well… okay, enough fun. Let’s declare war.”
Minister of Home Affairs Missingno: “We should give them their regions back before the Congress Elections, though. We know how hard it is to be occupied by a country of multiple times your strength.”
CP Auggustus: “I need to be nice? Why? We can only occupy them for a few days?”
[Door opens]
NF* AndreasIsaksson: “Ah, screw it. I’m not quitting. Put too much time in it already, a few more weeks wouldn’t hurt. I’ve been listening, and I’m in as long as we hand back some regions just before the elections. Or just one, that’s enough. Their small population easily fits in one region.”
CP Auggustus: “Good. Get me their president David Cnudde on the line!”
Minister of Foreign Affairs Van Spijck: “Ehm, seems he was impeached. I know, it’s only 24 hours after the election. Guess they are trying to incorporate their real life politics into eRep. I can try to get Goopypants on the line? Hold on a sec... I’ll put it on speaker…”
Speaker: “This is Goopypants speaking. How may the neutral, peace-loving and kind eBelgian people help you?”
Meanwhile in the Belgian High Command, just after the elections.
Country President Goopypants: “I’m glad you could all come. I’ll go straight to the point: I need a cabinet. That David Cnudde guy is impeached immediately after being elected, and now I’m stuck with a full-time job without that 5 gold or a CP medal.”
el1temk
Jofroi: “I wouldn’t mind either.”
CP Goopypants: “Good, you’re hired. Both of you. Saves me the work. Not that much is happening these days. So, just go do something… eehm… vice-presidential.”
[The door opens and Minister of Defence Tecuvo comes running in, together with high ranked soldiers World Class Force*** Olv007 and National Force** Shadowucks.]
MoD Tecuvo: “We have received intel that the Dutch might be planning to invade us!”
CP Goopypants: “WHAT?! Why would they do that?”
WCF*** Olv007: “Well, the reason is obvious: they want our beer.”
CP Goopypants: “We need to negotiate! Can’t we agree on delivering them a fixed amount of good beer, like Palm and Jupiler? Get our Minister of Foreign Affairs on it!”
Vice-CP el1temk
CP Goopypants: “Then you will become it. Starting now.”
Vice CP Jofroi: “No, no wait. I’ve got the best idea: we should get taken over and merge with the eNL! We will create a new stronger nation and call it the eUNL!”
NF** Shadowucks: “Working with those Dutch cheeseheads? Okay, that’s it. I’ve had enough of your rambling.”
[Shadowucks reaches towards his gun, but then suddenly the telephone rings.]
CP Goopypants: “This is Goopypants speaking. How may the neutral, peace-loving and kind eBelgian people help you?”
CP Auggustus: “Hi, this Auggustus. We are thinking of invading you. If I’m feeling generously, you might get some regions back before the Congress elections.”
CP Goopypants: “Maybe we can sort this out peacefully. We know your motives and we could supply you with a fixed amount of beer. I know you’re all on edge because you always have to drink that Heineken beer…”
CP Auggustus: “DO NOT mock our beer!”
CP Goopypants: “Pff… I’m sorry. You are right. I shouldn’t have called it beer in the first place.”
CP Auggustus: “That’s it! Finally, you guys gave us a reason! You Belgians are too arrogant about your beer and looking down on ours! DOWN WITH YOU!”
24 hours later, the first Dutch Q6 tanks crossed the border near Maastricht and rolled into Wallonia. It first went into the history books as the “War of the Dutch Agression”, but was later correctly named the “War of the True Beerists”.
Morale, for those too lazy to discover it: Let's not have any hard feelings towards each others, and use this war to have some fun!
eNetherlands and eBelgium are officially in war. Now, you might be wondering how it came to this?
DISCLAIMER: Although I have a really good feeling that it happened as described below, all discussions are pure fictional and a caricature of the persons involved. No comment can therefore be held against them. All ranks are based on in-game ranks or government position, so they do not necessarily reflect the (military) hierarchy. If you are upset by whatever your personage said or did in the article, I don’t really care. I know you all too well… you can’t really be angry with me anyway, can you?
😁
In the Dutch HQ, just after the elections.
[Applauding for the new CP]
Country President Auggustus: “Yes, I know I’m legendary. Now, sh*t up. The people want war with eBelgium, as they were fully behind my plans and have chosen me as their leader in large majority.”
Minister of Foreign Affairs Van Spijck: “Dude, don’t get ahead of yourself, you had just 6% more votes. Besides, declaring war would really hurt our relations with eBelgium, while they have just returned that 300 gold.”
National Force* AndreasIsaksson: “Yes, yes… that’s all true… so what? I need my Battle Hero and Campaign Hero medals!”
Chief of Staff ArtemIvanov: “We shouldn’t just attack. It’ll make us look bad, we need a reason.”
NF* AndreasIsaksson: “Are you disagreeing with me again? That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m quitting this game.”
[AndreasIsaksson walks away and slams the door]
CP Auggustus: “Artem, we tried to get a reason. We set up that whole national treasury scheme, in the hopes that eBelgium wouldn’t donate back the funds so we could attack. But those @**es did. I mean, if they won’t allow us any tiny reason to attack, we’ll just attack without a reason. By the way, where’s my advisor Garmr?”
Vice-CP Mattio: “Garmr just called and excused himself. Said something about having a headache and waking up in a place he didn’t recognize. Anyway, can’t we use as a reason that we just want their beer because it tastes so much better than Heineken?”
CP Auggustus: “Of course not! We know their beer is better. They know we know their beer is better. But we’ll remain too stubborn to admit that in public! No, invading without a reason it is.”
Minister of Defence Joep O: “I think we have a chance in a war. However, eBelgium might take this personal, and – out of principle – fight us with all their military power.”
[Laughing]
MoD Joep O: “Hahaha… yeah, I thought that was a pretty good one myself as well… okay, enough fun. Let’s declare war.”
Minister of Home Affairs Missingno: “We should give them their regions back before the Congress Elections, though. We know how hard it is to be occupied by a country of multiple times your strength.”
CP Auggustus: “I need to be nice? Why? We can only occupy them for a few days?”
[Door opens]
NF* AndreasIsaksson: “Ah, screw it. I’m not quitting. Put too much time in it already, a few more weeks wouldn’t hurt. I’ve been listening, and I’m in as long as we hand back some regions just before the elections. Or just one, that’s enough. Their small population easily fits in one region.”
CP Auggustus: “Good. Get me their president David Cnudde on the line!”
Minister of Foreign Affairs Van Spijck: “Ehm, seems he was impeached. I know, it’s only 24 hours after the election. Guess they are trying to incorporate their real life politics into eRep. I can try to get Goopypants on the line? Hold on a sec... I’ll put it on speaker…”
Speaker: “This is Goopypants speaking. How may the neutral, peace-loving and kind eBelgian people help you?”
Meanwhile in the Belgian High Command, just after the elections.
Country President Goopypants: “I’m glad you could all come. I’ll go straight to the point: I need a cabinet. That David Cnudde guy is impeached immediately after being elected, and now I’m stuck with a full-time job without that 5 gold or a CP medal.”
el1temk
😛“I wouldn’t mind being vice-president.”
Jofroi: “I wouldn’t mind either.”
CP Goopypants: “Good, you’re hired. Both of you. Saves me the work. Not that much is happening these days. So, just go do something… eehm… vice-presidential.”
[The door opens and Minister of Defence Tecuvo comes running in, together with high ranked soldiers World Class Force*** Olv007 and National Force** Shadowucks.]
MoD Tecuvo: “We have received intel that the Dutch might be planning to invade us!”
CP Goopypants: “WHAT?! Why would they do that?”
WCF*** Olv007: “Well, the reason is obvious: they want our beer.”
CP Goopypants: “We need to negotiate! Can’t we agree on delivering them a fixed amount of good beer, like Palm and Jupiler? Get our Minister of Foreign Affairs on it!”
Vice-CP el1temk
😛“Sir, you don’t have a Minister of Foreign Affairs yet.”
CP Goopypants: “Then you will become it. Starting now.”
Vice CP Jofroi: “No, no wait. I’ve got the best idea: we should get taken over and merge with the eNL! We will create a new stronger nation and call it the eUNL!”
NF** Shadowucks: “Working with those Dutch cheeseheads? Okay, that’s it. I’ve had enough of your rambling.”
[Shadowucks reaches towards his gun, but then suddenly the telephone rings.]
CP Goopypants: “This is Goopypants speaking. How may the neutral, peace-loving and kind eBelgian people help you?”
CP Auggustus: “Hi, this Auggustus. We are thinking of invading you. If I’m feeling generously, you might get some regions back before the Congress elections.”
CP Goopypants: “Maybe we can sort this out peacefully. We know your motives and we could supply you with a fixed amount of beer. I know you’re all on edge because you always have to drink that Heineken beer…”
CP Auggustus: “DO NOT mock our beer!”
CP Goopypants: “Pff… I’m sorry. You are right. I shouldn’t have called it beer in the first place.”
CP Auggustus: “That’s it! Finally, you guys gave us a reason! You Belgians are too arrogant about your beer and looking down on ours! DOWN WITH YOU!”
24 hours later, the first Dutch Q6 tanks crossed the border near Maastricht and rolled into Wallonia. It first went into the history books as the “War of the Dutch Agression”, but was later correctly named the “War of the True Beerists”.
Morale, for those too lazy to discover it: Let's not have any hard feelings towards each others, and use this war to have some fun!
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Comments
I am upset that I'm not mentioned in this article. Reported!
Good luck Belgium \o/
Nice Bok XD
The Heineken lemonade factory will burn before the end of this war !
@ Garmr: Although in this story, you weren't present at the meeting, you are mentioned... obviously... : P
Best reason for war ever 🙂
The article lacks Fhaemita 😛
I have to agree: beer is 99% of the reason. The other 1% consists of your spa water (it's for Garmr).
lol i laughed whit this 🙂 sounds so realistic
Nice read, I believe you are not far off from the truth
Yes, I wanted to include even more people (both from eNL and eBE), but it went towards tl;dr already. Sorry to all not mentioned! : P
Maybe in the sequel? 😁
Euh no shout-out for the best Chairman of Congress in eBelgian history?
Oh, I see now. I just scanned past the names hoping to see mine. Vanity is not a crime ;p
@jonathan clay No, because chairman of congress in erep is a Dutch invention 😛
I can confirm at least 15% of this article as factually accurate. Belgian beer is better!
I thought this was a private conversation Bok?
So nice article 😉
Nice article :- )
Nice! 😉
I'll keep on fighting until the last drop of blood leaves my body, and only pure, eBelgian beer runs trough my veins. Even if Brussels falls, the brave villages of Westvleteren, Chimay, Rochefort, Westmalle, Villers-devant-Orval and Hamont-Achel will keep the resistance alive!
Will they still do so if we take their beer, Aldous? :- )
Well my dear Southern sistern and brethren; in our Southern province, Noord-Brabant, we have some excellent beers, what to think of Koningsbergen and Schelde brouwerij? And here in Zeeland we have some very good small breweries, that make just enough for us Zeeuwen, so I won't give you their names!
I told you many times, being neutral won't work, but not many of you were listening. And instead of getting closer with bigger countries you have chosen to be neutral. Now NL will just toy with you 😛
I blame Bush.
Wow. I almost felt like I was right there, watching and listening in. I was on the edge of my seat. Voted!
Like Stilpo, I too blame Bush.
Hahahhahahaahahahahhahahahahhha.... LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great article, Bokie! It's all accurate.
And although I never tried any drop of Belgian beer in my life, I know it is better than Dutch - it can't be worse than Heineken, anyway : P
oh, and btw - TY for mentioning me : P
>It first went into the history books as the “War of the Dutch Agression”, but was later correctly named the “War of the True Beerists”.
voted!
Very nice investigative reporting, Bok! I think, however, that I will also blame Bush, just as a wise man once said. 😁
Nice article! Do not forget we have Hertog Jan....😛
lol
I prefer Grolsch.
Great article Bok! Laughed quite a lot!
The Germans makes the best beer... the end!
Germans make good SM adult movies not beer.
it's funny, but when i'm thinking about our money for the war, it's not funny.
Have fun !