THE LATEST, BREAKING AND COMPLETELY FACTUAL NEWS FROM THE EWORLD

Day 2,840, 20:30 Published in Australia Australia by Mongoosier
IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS in the eWORLD

Fellow Citizens,

Things have been moving fast in the eWorld this week and I think it’s time we brought you a handy wrap up in case you missed anything.

Bulgaria, Greece, Macedonia in 3-way Action

We know these countries haven’t always seen eye to eye so The Sketch welcomes reports that [Bulgarian Dictator] Artiomov33, [FYROM President] GAMBLE_24 and [Greek President] Kataskopos21 were seen checking into this top rated European Hotel on Thursday, reportedly to find and explore mutually beneficial situations.



A source close to the action said that they chipped in equally for the EUR30 fee for an hour’s bed, sorry room, rental and that the talks had been “of a high intensity” with “plenty of give and take by all parties”.

Reportedly there was some minor controversy towards the end of the session as FYROM tried to convince the others to extend things for another hour, whereas Greece maintained that due to “sensitive issues” they would be forced to push for an adjournment until later this month.

An obviously flushed GAMBLE_24 described the encounter as “very stimulating” and hoped for more of the same in the near future.

Play safe, kids – play safe.

Serbia/ Argentina – Hat Scandal Rocks Alliance


Worrying reports coming out of South America seem to suggest that Argentina may be on the verge of cancelling its MPP with Serbia after Serbian President 11anajiT reportedly stole a hat belonging to Argentinian Dictator R O S P E N T I K at a recent dinner.

Government representatives from the two eWorld heavyweights had enjoyed a convivial dinner with, we are told, much in the way of liquid refreshment. The atmosphere had been friendly throughout until R O S P E N T I K went to the cloakroom and asked for his jacket and hat.

The jacket was quickly forthcoming but apologetic staff could find no evidence of the hat to general puzzlement all round.



(Not the actual hat, which is believed to have been a floppy pink sunhat)

However, the mystery was soon solved as Argentinian MoFA Clorofila, slipping into the toilets for a surreptitious vomit after over indulging at the table, allegedly saw 11anajiT in the process of climbing out the bathroom window, shamelessly wearing the Argentinian big shot’s hat.

Clorofila attempted to intercept the drunken Serb but he was off down the side alley too swiftly to catch, last seen running from the area cackling and yelling, “I’m the King of Hats – all Hats are under my rule”.

Sources close to R O S P E N T I K say that the matter is being treated as “extremely serious” with the Dictator reportedly adding, “I haven’t been so angry about a clothing-based theft since Rusty D ran off and swiped my wife’s knickers off the washing line half way through a discussion about fiscal policy in South Asia. Mind you, he did look substantially better in them than she did”

The hat was unavailable for comment at the time of writing.

AND IN OTHER NEWS:

Peru “is a real country” insists Prime Minister

At a press conference today, Mr. CHUBBY, the hilariously obese Peruvian Prime Minister, defended his country against accusations that it simply didn’t exist and he was making it up.

Speaking to the assembled world press, Mr. CHUBBY, with his lardy belly flopping out over his belt, said, “recent accusations that Peru isn’t a real country are hurtful and untrue. We are real – I’m sure we are. Otherwise where the hell are we standing now?”

Peru is widely believed to be a figment of its Government’s imagination – which could explain why they have such difficulty paying money they owe for region rents.

UK Cabinet “a bunch of dicks”, Spanish Dictator reveals

Spanish Dictator, Lord Doel, allegedly hit out at the UK government today, calling them, “a pointless bunch of dicks that couldn’t find their own arseholes with an Atlas”.

Speaking at an event to raise funds for the Spanish Government’s off-the-books global terrorist war mongering efforts, he went on to say, “people say we are allies, pah – it’s like the lion being allied with the mouse. We only agree to this MPP to stop their constant English pig dog whining about such things as their shit weather and inability to drink without falling over and vomiting on a policeman.

“We have as much respect for them as we do for a dead fly, although to be fair we feel the same about any sovereign Government so it’s not just them.

“They are all ugly and lazy in bed so the ladies hate them. And once I saw [UK Dictator] Mr Woldy wearing a dress in a personal ad on Cragislist”.

A Spokesman for the UK Government who asked not to be named said, “yes, that all sounds fair enough”.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE NEWS FROM AROUND THE eWORLD






Mongoosier
Editroll in Chief - The Sketch