Join the new world

You may have seen a number of articles asking for money recently, offering new kinds of imaginary financial products. So to join in the efforts to increase activity, this public announcement is to present an entirely new investment option – well, one that is kind-of the same, but BETTER!



The following questions and answers will explain everything you need to know about our operations.

What would I be investing in?
High-yield hedge futures trading, backed by ultra-stable eBond notes from the Federal Reserve Banko, a Pyramid National subsidiary. We apply stringent criteria de-bulking for stock picks which are auto-selected from a barrel-of-cats diversification matrix and vigorously discombobulated to derive the optimal transaction schema for each asset tranche. This nonsense ensures nobody understands what the heck I am on about and therefore cannot define any wrong doing. Next, we put your money in my account for wild partying safe keeping.

But where does the profit come from?
The answer is simple – people put money in, and we count it as profit on our reports. And that’s what the investors want, to see that there is profit being made. They don’t want to get bogged down in the boring details of how. To illustrate, look what happens when someone sees profit being made:


“wow I am so pleased that the amount of money I invested has already earned the same amount of profit, and I didn’t even do any of the work!”

Isn’t that just great, easy, and fun? And that’s not even the best part. When you invite more people to invest their money too, their profit gets ADDED on top of your profit, so you both win!

Wait a minute… is this a “pyramid scheme”?
Absolutely not, our model is derived from the Ponzi scheme.

How will I get my money back?
All money will be safely returned in full the very millisecond you even begin to consider withdrawing it – that’s how easy it is! To put it in another, more accurate way, technically no you can’t get back any of the money – but why would you want to when it is making SO MUCH PROFIT?

Why should I trust you?
We are a fully accredited financial institution under the purview of the International Business-Hooligan Union. Our identities cannot be released at this time, but that is only because we happen to be on the run from the mafia again.

But don’t base your decision entirely on what I have to say, here’s a sample of what our many millions of investors are already saying about our operations and what we can do for you!

Jack Lantos 2 : Pyramid National Investment Bank is among the banks that I am aware of.

JaKe Lantos : Totally legit business going on here, no joke!

Jack Lanntos : Excellent service and fantastic returns, keep it up!

Jeck Lanto : I am a prince of Nigeria and I heartily endorse Pyramid National for their discretion.

Jacky Lantoss : I invested everything and so should you!!!1!!


Wow!

Well, I’m still not so sure…
But some of you might STILL not be convinced of this outrageously amazing opportunity to get rich quick. Maybe you are a NANSY-PANSY and don’t believe the scheme will make money. Come on, take a chance! You don’t have a nervous breakdown every time you put all your money in an open briefcase and leave it in the park, do you? You’re not mentally damaged enough that you would think twice before giving your bank account details and password to a complete stranger are you?

You’re not? That’s GOOD, now you are ready to invest today and become the next quadrillionaire, guaranteed*!!!!!!!!