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LIMPOPO - The eSouth African government has already spent more than ZAR620 on the controversial staple gun registry, but not everyone is convinced that the binding legislation-intended to reduce the number of office-, home-, and construction-related stapler/staple gun injuries, and even deaths, is actually working.

The eSA government initiated the registry on Day 1,103, requiring that every staple gun owner register their eSAAF Titanium, Grimstone, and Whiteheart stapling devices, as part of a control measure to make eSouth Africa just a little bit safer.

But over the last three months, staple guns were responsible for over one thousand cuts, punctures, and pricks, almost half of the eSouth African population! If it weren't for eSA's aggressive immigration policy, the country would have been decimated.

Our science reporter, Prelen, has confirmed that staplers and staple guns being bought on the marketplace by Day 1,167 were already being produced to leave a micro-serial number imprint on each staple issued by such a device. This was enforced by Section III in the Staple Gun Registry and Prevention of Misuse Act of Day 992.

It may take several weeks yet for the now mega-stacked Q2 devices, which do not leave this identification imprint on its projectiles, to expire.

Is the staple gun registry really binding?

The intention of the registration process was to clamp down on the use of these dangerous fastening tools, but not everyone is on the same page.

"This mandatory registration is pointless," said Twilight Sparkle, congresspony for the Constitutional Equality Party. "Even if my stapler was registered, someone could still lift it off my desk and use it in a crime or practical joke. What's to stop them? And anyone off the street could walk into a Mr. Kitty Photo-and-Print shop and purchase a box of standard Q2 staples. That hardly makes me feel safer."

Even with ever advancing Q4 stapling technologies, extreme new stapling forces make them conceivable weapons. Some Q4 staple guns are spring-loaded, some Q5's are electric, and that makes them a potential tool for mischief. "Not to mention the newly launched Staple Air-Gun models" ~ Editor

"People need to remember that Q3 to Q5 staples are sharp," said Twilight, who has seen many a party colleague injured by the careless use of staplers at their party conferences, like the time Champinator "accidentally" shot Nick Jones in the face, when wondering why his Q5 Whiteheart Fastener's Nail Master II Heavy Duty 30mm-05mm Electric Heart Nail Gun had misfired when he was attempting to staple a forty-six page government report for the ePresident.

Says Mezu, a qualified staple safety specialist, "They're projectiles, and they're dangerous. Someone could get a scratched cornea... or worse. Contracting tetanus is a very real possibility, especially if the staples are rusty, or worse yet, Q1! Infection is almost a certainty."

eSA Government officials believe that with registration in place, citizens using staple guns would act more responsibly, and will be less likely to nail their fellow party members boots to the polished floor of Parliament, or shoot them in their agterwêreld with a high-powered, semi-automatic, jam-proof pneumatic staple gun.

But some think a better direction would be to eliminate threatening high-powered staplers and power tackers altogether, reducing the risk of accidents or incidents of stapling tomfoolery.

"Who could possibly need a customised forward action staple gun with the capability of firing a hundred rounds of Q2 round-crown galvanised staples per minute?" asked Oprah Winfrey (United Democratic Alliance), an advocate for the use of Q2 three-ring binder Duo-Tangs, and other safe hole-punch technologies. "Well... aside from Q4 hospital building contractors, some Q3 housing workers... and possibly eSA governmental clerks. Still, these seemingly harmless tools have the capability of injuring egos!"

The eSA government is considering the implementation of a six-hour waiting period for all staple gun purchases off the marketplace. They're fairly confident that citizens will then handle staple guns more responsibly, understanding that with a necessary cool-down period, there would be fewer impulsive stapling acts.

A spokesperson for the eSAAF Titanium I stapling company in eSouth Africa was quick to point his staple gun at the adage on his bumper sticker, "Staple guns don't hurt people... staples hurt people."

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~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use
Blatantly copied and garbled from: The Toque