Men and Women of the Canadian Armed Forces! Listen up!

Day 394, 22:37 • Published in Canada Canada • by Canadian Civil Defence
Alright, men and women. Suit up it's time to kick ass. What's that? No guns? Well fill out a god damn form and you'll get yer damn guns. WE are going to beat the shit out of the French. What? Feeling down? Don't want to fight? Then shut the hell up already and watch this: WATCH THIS.

We are going to kick France in the nuts and knee them in the face. Canada has never lost a war only won wars! This sure aint time to start losing wars either. We are going to kick the snot out of these poor bastards so suit up and make sure you have a gun in every limb and orfice.

Now a speech for inspiration!


"Now I want you to remember that no bastard won a war by dieing for his country. You won it by making the other poor bastard die for his country.

Men.

All this stuff you heard about Canada not wanting to fight and wanting to stay out of the war is horse shit.

Canadians traditionally love to fight.

All real Canadians love the sting of battle.

When you were kids you all admired the fastest runner or the best ball player or the best hockey player.

Canadians love a winner.

and will not tolerate a loser.

Canadians play to win all the time, I wouldn't give a crap for a man who lost. I'd laugh.

That's why Canadians have never lost and will never lose a war.

Because the very thought of losing...is hateful to Canadians.

Now....an army is a team....it lives eats, sleeps, fights as a team.

This individuality and separatist stuff is a bunch of crap.

The silly bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality and separatism in a media article don't know anything about real battle then they do about fornicating.

Now we have the finest food, equipment...the best spirit and the best men and women in the world.

You know...my god I actually pity those French we are going up against.

We are not just going to shoot the bastards...

We are going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.

WERE GOING TO MURDER THEM, those lousy French bastards by the bushel.

Now...some of you guys, I know are wondering whether or not you'll fight in battle. Don't worry about it.

I can assure you that you will all fight for Canada.

The French in France are the enemy!

Spill their blood! Shoot them in the belly!

When you put your hand...into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face.



You'll know what to do.


Now there's one thing I want you to remember.


I don't want to hear any comments saying we are holding our position.


Were not holding anything.


Let the French do that.


We are advancing constantly and we aren't interested in holding onto anything but the enemy!

We are going to hold onto him by the nose and were going to kick em in the ass!

Were going to beat the crap out of them all the time and were going to go through em like crap through a goose!



Now...there's one thing that you men and women will be able to say when you get back home and you may thank Canada for it.


Months from now when you are sitting around the irc channel and new players ask you "What did you do in the great World War One of Erepublik?"


You won't have to say....."Well......I shoveled shit in Saskatchewan"


Alright, you know how I feel now go kick some ass and I will be proud of guide the men and women of Canada into battle against France!"



P.S. The guys in the photo screwed up. It's supposed to say Paris airport.