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Have you ever noticed how much eRepublik runs on eStatistics? That's because eStatistics never lie, of course. So I am here to offer help with eStatistics – to sort out all those conflicting truths. Here are a few very alarming eStatistics.

Almost half of the eRepublik population earns a below-average income.

These demographics totally shocked me. I was under the impression that almost half of eRepublik's population earns an above-average income. But then I discovered it is the reverse. I needed help with eStatistics, so I phoned my Uncle "Stats" Mezu.

"Almost half of eRepublik's population earns a below-average income."

Uncle Mezu seemed dumbfounded, "So?"

"Well, I want to make sure that nobody has a below-average income."

At a loss for words, my Uncle Mezu advised, "It won't happen until everybody has an above-average IQ." That made sense. "Right now," Uncle Mezu continued, "Almost half eRepublik's citizens has a below-average IQ, and eStatistics never lie." I was floored. I did not realise we had such an IQ scarcity on our hands. But I was sure it is in some way related to another shocking statistic:

If current trends continue, by day 1,562 every citizen born will be illiterate.

I, myself, had recently sired two illiterate eChildren. As discouraging as this was, I was determined that they should live a normal life and overcome this menacing handicap. Discovering the link between below-average IQ and below-average incomes, I am now more determined than ever to overcome our citizens' infant illiteracy.

I needed help with another shocking statistic I had rea😛

At least 97.3 percent of people are at risk of getting banned by Admins.

I was particularly worried about this statistic because I did not know if I was one of the 97.3.

"I think you are," Uncle Mezu suggested. "Most people are, you know."

My uncle's comment worried me even more. It was scary enough that 97.3 percent of people are at risk of getting banned by Admins, but it was even scarier to discover that most people fall into that 97.3 percent demographic.

Uncle Mezu tried to calm my fears, "I have another eStatistic that should make you feel much better. The majority of people at risk will survive, and eStatistics never lie."

That WAS reassuring. But it did not ease my mind about another ominous statistic I had rea😛

By day 1,353, at current mortality rates, two out of every three citizens will be dead.

This was worrisome because I suspected that I might be among the two-out-of-three people.

Uncle Mezu tried to reassure me once more, "This time, eDemographics would be on your side, because you can't get banned by eAdmins when you are dead."

Saaaaay. That is good news. And Uncle Mezu was right. In fact, banned-by-eAdmin rates in cemeteries remain at historic lows *sic*. And eStatistics never lie.

I recently bought a "home eStatistics calculator" (by MaxHellas and Co) on sale at KrimpieKat-Mart. This will be fun. Let's say I want to find out what is the likelihood of starving to death. Let's see...I last ate Q3 food about an hour and a half ago. OK, I'll just push this button...and here comes the results:

Based on your caloric intake of the previous hour, you are likely to starve to death in just 15 days. That terrified me. I am going to starve to death in just 15 days. What can I do to stave off starvation?

Wait. There's more: Immediate intervention can avert statistical starvation. Go directly to KrimpieKat-Mart. Eat a dozen donuts every day, and you will reduce the risk of starvation by at least 69.3 percent.

This seems like great advice. Hmm, I wonder what Uncle Mezu would say about this.

"Actually, if you eat a dozen donuts every day, you decrease your chances of starving within 30 days to almost zero. And, due to increased risk of a heart attack, your new projected lifespan is... 624 eRepublik days old."

"But I'm already 727 eRepublik days old," I protested.

Uncle Mezu pondered these eStatistics. "It seems to me that starvation is your best bet, after all. And eStatistics never lie."

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~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use