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"eMauritian Warship seizes boat in Indian Ocean" - Reuters, Day 1,253



Warship seizes eBrazilian Biltong and Litchi Smugglers

INDIAN OCEAN - eSouth African media reported yesterday that an eMauritian warship patrolling the Benguela Current had seized a small informal skiff suspected of smuggling out choice grade biltong, and trading it for overripe litchis and bent vuvuzelas through eMauritius, into eSouth Africa. This lead many to suspect that the report was a hoax.

"You're kidding, right? eMauritius has a warship?" asked eSA Deputy Minister of Defense, Bobady Zoo. "Like... for war and stuff?

"Does eMauritius know?" he added.

A government official from the Ministry of Reconstruction and Development, Hamilton Moore, briefly responded by indicating that eBrazil has for months been attempting to benefit off the quality of eSA biltong, whilst simultaneously devaluing the eSouth African Rand by flooding the market with expired litchis and crudely shaped vuvuzelas. "The fight is ongoing", he said.

Regarding the seizure of the skiff, "Nobody was more stunned than we were," said Azar Mussaf, first mate of the seized vessel. "We saw this frigate steaming toward us, and we were worried, but then we saw the glimmer of red blue yellow and green on the flag and we thought, 'Oh, eSouth Africans. What the hell do they want?' But we were wrong. It was eMauritians."

When an officer of the PRM Bappoo frigate announced that the skiff was to be boarded, the crew of the detained float was confused, said Mussaf, but their confusion quickly turned to anger when they saw what the eMauritian sailors were carrying.

"They were armed. With guns," said Mussaf. "eMauritians. With guns. And a warship. What is this world coming to? Usually they merely carry very sharp mango pits, and hold tame lemurs by leads."

"They were pretty rude, too," Mussaf added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that stick of biltong come from? That litchi, was that up your... ? That's really beef jerky, isn't it? Do you know whether Kochi Tuskers won their game today? Hey, spit that gum out of your mouth!' But first,", he pauses as he stares off into the distance, then continues, "we wanted to know who gave them that damned warship."

According to eSouth African Ministry of Defence officials, the Bappoo is one of four frigates deployed in the region to assist in the eSA-led conflict against eBrazil. The skiff was stopped, officials said, because its cargo of crudely cured biltong violated eSADC sanctions, which prohibit eBrazil from selling biltong, kreepy-krauleys, super-glue, vuvuzelas, marula fruit, unless in exchange for food, moving tickets and energy bars. Litchis on the other hand, is totally flagged as contraband.

eR Admins, who still do not recognise eMauritius as a sovereign state, said that the incident is already under investigation, and promised swift action against those found responsible for giving the eMauritians guns. Initial findings indicate that the Bappoo crew may have been watching too many YouTube clips of eSA mercenaries disabling pirate crews off the coast of Kenya, and that they had managed to overpower a secret eBrazilian special-ops force due to infiltrate eSouth African soil, on the mistaken assumption that the special-ops force were actually eSeychellan pirates.

eSouth Africa still maintains its recognition of several smaller states in its localised region, including eBotswana, eNamibia, eLesotho and ePiggsPeakCasino (formerly known as eSwaziland), all of which eR admins refuse to acknowledge.

The eMauritian government declined to comment on claims that they had taken eBrazilian soldiers hostage in recent weeks, but had instead sent their regards to the families of captured eBrazilian soldiers.

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