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Films. They've been around longer than Gary Glitter, and most probably touched more children than him too. Great actors like Erol Flynn, Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken. Similarly, great actresses like Lisa Ray, Monica Bedi and Roma. Never heard of any of the females? It's because they're from Bollywood. Narrowminded Fools. Well, now I have caught you out and accused you of a meaningless crime, let's begin with my rant about films. Last year saw a huge amount of great films; The Dark Knight, an action packed film about a guy with too much money and an obsession with Halloween; The Bank Job, which resides as one of my favourite films, simply for the fact there are MP's caught doing S&M and I guess WALL-E wasn't half bad- if you entered the cinema with a large popcorn and a dose of ether.

But then again there were those films, which I honestly believe the boxes should be used to make a cage to hold Steven Spielberg and Quintn Tarantino in, until someone else has been given a chance to make a half decent film. Films such as Jumper, Meet the Spartans and Quantom of Solace should all have booked themselves in at Dignitas Euthanaisia Clinic a long time ago. Some of you must be getting your best hate comments ready for me as I mentioned the latest James Bond film. Well, yes I did, and to be honest, in comparison to the other twenty one films, it is as lively as a beef joint among a field of cows. Where were the gadgets? Where were the endless witty puns? Although the lack of them, and the positioning of the film near the beginning of the title may suggest that Bond slowly goes senile...

2008 also made me think of something new. I recently saw 'Public Enemy', which although being a damn good film with lots of big cars, guns and naughty words; I self diagnosed with 'Australia Syndrome', (referring to last years flop with Nicole Kidman in), in which I mean it could have ended about several times, and when it did, no one really cared. Except for this, I thought it was dapper, funny and modern through all things except the time it was set.

SAW V satisfied my sadism for another year, with yet more ingenious, brutal ways to make someone die. I think the most satisfying thing about the SAW series, is that most of the people who get 'punished', are pricks, and you can relate them to someone you know- thus probably helping to keep murders down. I won't ruin the plot, although you know before you press play that everyone is going to die, either in a vat of hypodermic syringes or by the hand of a carton of apple juice, but my favourite bit had to be the words of one of the women towards the end, who completed the tasks, but lost over five pints of blood. As she sits against a desk, she murmers, 'We won', before drifting off into the white light. If there is one think SAW demonstrates, it is Schadenfreude, and the fact you will either sit through it laughing or with your hand glued to your mouth.

I said to myself I wouldn't, but it's too good a chance to hurl abuse at, not to mention Twilight. Not mentioning the mythological inaccuracies to do with vampires, it also hurls this great 'macho' stereotype into the audiences faces- which I agree most girls melt over and most boys despise. The point is that yet again, the melovolent bastards in Hollywood are throwing ideaologies at the public, that the best girls go to blokes who can drive fast, play the piano, look amazing and generally be faultless. Hang on, that is what happens... Ah fuck it.

I guess I better brace myself for the hate mail.

Baron Chris