A Resource War Story:

Day 3,111, 21:51 • Published in USA USA • by Jimmy Cincinnati

Issue #116




Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter.

-ERNEST HEMINGWAY-




Ghost Fu Uncensore😛

It was an hour before dawn and a large platoon was preparing their equipment for the morning assault. The exhaust from several armored vehicles covered the musk of the soldiers, who hadn't bathed in days.
The area was pocked with craters and flanked with trenches. Enemy drones were watching our every move, from the air and the commander was nowhere to be found.
I thought; "Fate has chosen this time and place to challenge my mastery, of war."
So, I stood up and roached my blunt.


-GoTJ-
Pity the Dictator. He's trained his troops, he's assembled his soldiers and he's sweated over his tactics, but one obstacle is left to overcome; the rousing battle speech. So, here it goes.

We are not here as conquerors.
Your patience and courage are admirable, but they will not be rewarded. If you seek riches and glory, you will find none.
Some of you will not return. (With your money.)
We will get a fighter escort, but 20% 0f us will be taken out by anti-aircraft fire.
When we reach the dropzone, 10% of us will be shot, before we hit the ground, or have parachutes that didn't open.
Another 5% will be killed by artillery and mines.
2% will be captured and reeducated.
1.5% will be killed by small arms and hand to hand combat.
The other 61.5% of you will begin the rebuilding process.

I realize that some of you have no desire to go on this journey, with us. If you are having second thoughts, this is the time to say something.
I ask that the rest of you join me in a prayer:
Dear Father; I wasted my days on many things. This was not among them. But at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well.




-Biggus Dikuss-
Who the fuck is that private and what is he saying?

-Flatus Flavius-
I don’t know. I can’t hear a damn thing, back here.

-Biggus Dikuss-
Are we heading into battle? Was there a truce? What’s the deal?

-Flatus Flavius-
No idea, bro. Hold on.

-Biggus Dikuss-
Fuck that. I’m out.

-Flatus Flavius-
I'm right behind you.





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