[UKRP] Successfully peepee'd myself

Day 3,558, 06:42 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Rob the Bruce

After a tense election, you lads in UKRP voted me in. I'd like to thank everybody for giving me the opportunity to ruin everything in a blaze of glory.

'cause a lot of people wanted certacito, I've given him vice president. His responsibility will be er.... becoming PP if I die IRL I suppose. That's what they do in proper politic, innit?

THE BOLD PLANS

1. Actually putting things in the media as if anybody actually cares. Only other party that does it is TUP and their articles are diabolically awful so this should make us appear amazin. Which we are. Mostly.

2. Super sexy congress list. More on this in a bit further down. Fairly self explanatory innit.

3. Attempting to force Roachford to run for CP. If he refuses I don't really have a back up plan, but I can improvise.

4. At some point after both important elections I'll be at uni and I'll be drunk so uhhh whoooo knoooowwwsss. Exciting sh*tposts await for the last 3 days or so of tenure before I fade into obscurity.

I believe my vision for this party is the best path forward, and anybody that disagrees can sod off and join ESO.

Righto, onto the big boy stuff:

CONGRESS

A new congress term starts (July 2017, colorised)

The jamesw method™ of driving congress activity is taking your dumb and easy to get hard earned 5 gold away, and only giving it back if you prove to be decent according to TUP standards. Whatever that is, heck if I know.

I prefer the approach of throwing money at people. I know UKRP has the talent, we've got the solid old af boys required to do a good damn job. Now, as almost-permanent "speaker" I've got the greatest ability to track activity. So, combining all this all I need to do is track when the sexy boys are being active, promise to reward them for such action, and then they'll try and be more active and that will promote more sexy contributions.

There's 3 categories for rewards, actual amounts in bold next to them:
1. Most PMs sent (1000cc)
2. Best single PM sent (1000cc)
3. Rob's ultimate favourite mong (10 gold and a blowie)

So there's a reward for pure quantity, pure quality, and the best blend of the two (plus memes and my natural biases. You, as a UKRP mong, can win all 3. Theoretically.

TL😉R
1. Run for congress
2. Be good and active
3. Make mad dolla (up to 2k cc, 10 gold and my body)

Rewards will be given out around the 12th-ish of September because there's very little chance of me even remembering I said all this after my PP term ends. What you do after that point in your mong term...idk. Next PP can handle it.

If I think you're great and you're not running I will hassle you. If the list is really bad I may consider adopting partial jamesw tactics and importing the best of the best from lesser parties. Don't make me do that. It will put me in physical pain.

That's all. Thanks for listenin, I won't disappoint you if you don't disappoint me.



I think I need a UKRP logo somewhere so erm...

cool.
-Rob the SUCCESSFUL GLASGOW UNIVERSITY APPLICANT WHO MISSED THE OFFER BY LIKE HALF A MILE BUT GOT IN ANYWAY SOMEHOW Bruce